Sure Signs You’re The Girl On The Side | MadameNoire

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He thinks he wants a relationship, but he's not acting like he's stable enough to truly invest in one properly. He went out of town after we finally had sex. After the 3 songs this morning I tried to called-it kicked into VM.. Be patient there is someone out there for you. I end up involved with this last guy again after I tried to kill myself.

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But just as men and women are BOTH drawn to physical attractiveness and many think that this is OK for their gender, but not the opposite BOTH genders experience bad treatment from the opposite sex. I am sorry you were treated rudely by women in your youth. Newly-engaged Meghan Trainor rocks slogan sweater and wide-legged trousers in London The only time this wouldn't apply is if he's a businessman, using the same phone for work and play. Players like to "play. Because your time is valuable, you are valuable, your attention is valuable.

My advice is "Don't be the easy-one to get the boobie prize. Michaellyn same here nasty patsy is the nickname he gave her and she's been posing as other men who want to be friends on facebook.

I'm not spectulating either as I know all her former last names. If it's not her he's manipulating his teen to do it for him because the most important rule a player has is not to get caught playing, if I'm preoccupied with other things I can't catch him. Little does he realize I don't need to. Actions always speak louder than words. Believe them - the actions that is. Hi I have been seeing a guy I met online for a month he messages me silly funny picture messages me every other day.

I reply with one then all goes quiet unless I ask him how he is going. We have met up a few times things get heated then nothing happens no sex I met up with him again on the weekend.

His phone kept going off I questioned it he said it was some crazy girl he was seeing she keeps contacting him but he is not interested and has been over for 2 months tho he seemed annoyed by it ended up turning off his phone. He is affectionate holding hands and stuff when I see him I tried to end it and said I thought we shouldnt see each other anymore I have a bad gut feeling He called n text me until I responded and talked me round..

I'm a dream woman apparently. Anyway hE is still online as mentioned I set up a fake profile he said he had a date that night that was boring and talking crap If he was keen why is he pursuing and dating other women Is he playing me???

To cut a long story short he is still online picking up women. I know it's wrong but I set up a fake profile and he responded very quickly n sent me his private pics. Oh my gosh, how true this is.

I myself have repeatedly been in similar scenarios ending up brokenhearted. I wonder whether these men ever feel anything, any guilt or remorse for the woman. I wish I could turn back the clock and dump them without having sex with them. You know what has happened.. I am sorry about this whole thing because I liked this man much, had butterflies with him, even chased him.

He was gentlemanly but too pushy and my gut feeling was protesting. You are doing a great job, whoever you are mirror. What is the state of his mind now? Star, Sadly, the answer is, probably not. And if he does feel anything at all over it, it would most likely simply be a bruised ego and some tortured pride. Because you see dear, players aren't looking for relationships. They're only looking for hookups, brief flings and a good time.

Players like to "play. Which is why men like that are a complete and total waste of a good woman's time. The best way to cease a player from your life is to wait months to sleep with any man. Most players don't wait that long, and will already be on the prowl for another victim after month 1. Some guys are better at it too especially the highly intelligent ones. They appear too good to be true: If they know a woman is looking for a relationship, they will pretend like they care about getting to know you.

After a while, it will be all about getting into your underwear. If they don't succeed, they disappear. Im going through this right now and just found out the guy I was dating is also dating another woman. Hes the quiet, smart type that hides behind his job to cover up for lack of communication.

Tries really hard in the beginning, then slowly pulls away to accomodate more women. And its interesting that I found out all these women are successful, beautiful Sometimes I dont understand how thats possible. Im glad I realized it only 1. However, this w a s the second round for us and i believed the first excuse that he had a major family issue. Its going to take a lot of will power, but I know I deserve better.

Any suggestions to make this a quicker process to move on would be helpful. And how long until I can trust again is my only concern. Yes, the worst thing about being played is that a woman feels hurt and abused after the break-up. My advice is to continue dating regardless. Meeting new man is a must although it seems ipossible at the moment. And a kind of solice is that as you can see on this blog there are many more woman who have been in the same situation so you are not alone.

Honestly, the most often reason why I think man will disappear is because another woman came into the picture. A man will stay around if he is trying to have sex with you and lack options, but if another woman comes into the picture he will try to focus the game on her.

Hence, he is spread thin especially on the weekend, and you will notice the communication changes. Then its really game on. He text me 3 times via web and did not answer it. But on the 4th attempt i respond with the same style he did..

Thank you all for your time. Eventually one night while clubbing he was jealous of his friend showing me attention I asked "Why do you care? He said he was touched by what I said. That night was the first time we had sex 5 months since first kiss. We started going out but he only contacts me once a week. We would watch a movie and after the movie I tried to suggest dinner but he would make up an excuse and go homE.. I treated him coldly for a month. He then asked me "Why has your attitude changed?

I feel really comfortable with you,how do you feel when you're with me? We can give it a try…" I agreed. The next weekend we went on a nice date whereby he was sweet and caring. The next wkend I fell ill but he didn't care and took 2 days to reply my text I found out he was playing board games with his guy friends. I let it slide and he invited me to have dinner with his colleagues - he introduced me to everyone,we were holding hands but he would let go when his colleague was looking at us.

I said we can stop this- but he insisted on making it up. He tried contacting me but I took hours to reply and said we could meet for dinner instead. Hhe said e would come after football and smoking he was doing whatever suited him best Eventually he came that night in the rain with food and saying he would spend more time with me and not hurt me anymore. The next week he would try to talk to me. I said okay have fun on your night out.

Next day I did not hear from him until the evening saying he is feeling lethargic and busy with his dad's birthday,he said "Let's do something next week for sure". By this time I was fed up with his "flakey" behaviour and replied saying I do not wish to see him again.

He texted me an essay saying how things can improve between us- I said I want to leave him before he hurts me further. After 3 months, he came back-asking me if I wanted to go church with him-I said I am not sure and did not reply afterwards.

All his friends kept said he likes me but is too much of a coward to invest. This guy and I were friends for 2months and his friends say he likes me. One night we kissed. Then He tried games to sleep with me for 3 months to which I would said no everytime.

One evening we started opening up about our lives-he asked me if my ex was still in touch with me I said no he wasn't and he was happy about that. He stopped asking me to have sex with him and we fell asleep. We did not speak for a month and when he saw me he would look really "sorry". We can give it a try" I agreed. I ran into my ex at a company I didn't even reacize him he look different. I'm older then him 11yrs older.

Well my ex broke up with me about a month ago. I will spare all the details…but lets just say we lived together and we were fighting a lot.. He finally broke up with me and told me that I made him realize that he is not meant for relationships, that he needs to be single..

This has been going on for 3 years. I was actually out with my gfs last Friday and to my surprise I spot my ex with 4 girls standing in line to get into a bar. I kept my cool and kept walking. Some short, thick, ok looking girl was in front of him and he kinda held her waist. I ignored it and went on to the next bar. But she was nothing amazing to look at!!

I confronted him in text: What we had was a lie and you threw everything away. WTF do those texts even mean??? But he puts no effort in reaching out to me. Anonymous Apr 26, 4: You completely give away your power and men interpret that as "desperate" - as if you have no other options in men available to you.

Don't ever give a man that impression about yourself. Never let a man know that he's gotten to you and never be confrontational in those situations because your reaction only reassures him that you care. Because if you didn't care, you wouldn't be upset.

So all you're doing there is reassuring him that he's got control over you. He's interpreting all of this behavior from you as "desperate" and it's diminishing his attraction for you. What would be much more attractive to him is if you didn't react in a negative way at all, stood strong and moved on from him and began dating other men.

How can he miss you when you keep yourself on his radar like that? He will not miss you or think of you or have regrets or a desire to reconcile until you disappear, reject him and begin dating other men: You give wonderful advice. I have been with my bf for about two years now.

He came off as the very nice,polite guy. Low key, and i never expected he was the player type. One day i looked through his phone and found texts to and from other women. Now he keeps his phone locked and out of sight. I know I deserve better but it is so hard when you love someone. Thank you for this blog. Mirror I so hope you can help me! I met this guy last year, we stayed in touch for months via text. We discussed meeting up a couple of times but it never worked out.

Rather than standing me up, he just bailed on the idea. Then he disappeared for months! Got back in touch and the texting and consideration for meeting up happened all over again but less frequently. Then this weekend we finally see each-other! I was out with friends and so was he and came to the bar I was in.

The thing is, the day before a friend of mine told me she met someone who knows him this was of interest as I have no mutual friends with him. This girl had said that he was a player and did drugs.

So I had text him soon after hearing this maybe to scare him who knows to let him know I had heard some things about him but when he asked I wouldn't say what they were. However, when we saw each-other in this bar and he asked, fuelled by a few too many tequilas He was pretty defensive and he said "I'll be back in a minute" and it turns out he left. I was furious and we ended the night with a 2 hour text rant.

Me acknowledging he had left, him saying he did so because he felt I had already made an opinion of him that he couldn't change. That I'd made him feel like shit. I replied by saying how was that true when I'd stayed in touch all this time and he said things such as I really liked you, was looking forward to get to know you but you decided to listen to someone else's opinion rather than figure it out yourself.

He acknowledged he'd been rubbish at meeting up but said he had his reason. The conversation ended less aggressive both of us sort of pining for what could have been. In the morning, reading things through I realised I had been quite harsh with my words so I've since apologised. I'm taking all the blame saying I hope he didn't think I was judging him or accusing him anyway he's not replied and I'm riddled with guilt.

So my question is In my opinion one of two things has happened. He is genuinely upset that someone had that opinion of him and I've offended him thus he doesn't want to reply OR 2. How do I know? What do you think? Hi, I am so glad that I can ask for advice from you because I feel heartbroken at the minute! I met a guy online and we have now been on seven dates and stayed away for a weekend.

I asked this guy what was going on between us and we agreed to 'see each other' but not date or text other people. My friend suggested that we set up a fake onine profile so we did and the picture of the girl was stunning.

I didn't think this guy I was seeing would reply to this fake girls profile but he did and asked her questions meaning he obviously wants a response. Is he using me? Please help me as I feel lost and no one to talk to about it because I am embarrassed as my family think he is now my boyfriend and my friends think it is going well. Anonymous May 30, 9: Who cares why, that doesn't matter.

All that matters are the facts. And the fact is: And based on those facts and his behavior here, he's most likely doing the same thing with other women as well. He's got to go dear: You can't "fix" that.

Do not pound your head against the wall thinking that another "talk" is going to fix this and do not attempt to hang in there and give him the benefit of the doubt. If you do that, you're going to walk right into a situation where this man will have a very high likelihood of betraying you - and hurting you - and it's all going to happen because you hung in there.

If you walk now, you avoid getting hurt even more than you've already been hurt. You can't fix guys like this, they are who they are. And unfortunately, this one's a liar. And if you "talk" to him about it, he's only going to feed you more lies to save his ass here so he can have his cake and eat it too. He's not worth it dear. He's already proved what he's like as a man, he's already proved that his character is lacking - he's already failed you. Time to move on sweetie: Anonymous May 30, 7: And his previous behavior and actions actually fall in line with that of "a player" - "Rather than standing me up, he just bailed on the idea.

But based on his previous actions and behavior with you, he's acted more like a flaky player in the past than a genuinely interested gentleman. And based on prior behavior and his reaction here, it appears he's attempting to manipulate you by making you feel guilty - another one of the players frequently used tactics. Add to that the fact that you DID apologize and attempt to give him the benefit of the doubt here - and instead of acting maturely about it and addressing it with you in open conversation - he, yet again, disappeared instead.

Another "player" indication - bolting like lightening instead of working things out. So add this all up dear: When you step back and look at the big picture here dear - I don't see much of anything positive that indicates that he deserves the benefit of the doubt here: This will help you avoid the Players, and have a decent love life.

There are men of substance who are exciting, too. Even though the majority of women I dated were beautiful with substance, I would date an unattractive woman if she was brilliant, athletic, funny or hopefully both.

Beautiful women with average or low IQ are unreliable and poor long-term mates, as they are typically emotionally immature and less reliable. These women usually seek good looking guys first and then whine when they are cheated on -told you. This man above makes some very good points ladies.

And I firmly believe that the better looking individuals in life, male and female not all, but many tend to rely too much on their looks and, as a result, do not work on their social skills, maturity level and personality. Give the good guys a chance, ladies. Give the "geeks" and the "nerds" of the world a chance, give the average guys a chance and give the nice guys a chance - those are the ones that make for good mates.

The pretty boys, macho men and arrogant punks of the world are just another pretty face in the end. And it's always all about them - and never you. Looks fade, personalities don't. And when you're old and gray, stuck sitting on the sofa staring at each other with your walkers by your side - you at least want to be able to converse and enjoy the company of your mate. If the looks fade and there's an empty, hollow shell that remains - you're not going to be happy years later with this individual.

I'd like to add to Mirror's May 31 at 5 11 post. Sometimes the best looking men are NOT the players because they have nothing to prove whereas the nerdier type has insecurities and does have to be a player because of it. Let the person SHOW you who they are regardless of looks don't judge a book by it's cover and treat them accordingly.

I was married 26 years and been divorced now for 5. I am just starting to date. It scares me what is out there. I am worried that I could be dating a player so appreciate the advice I have read here.

Is it me and not trusting, my ex accused me of things I didn't do and found he was dating while we were separated. Does this make me not trusting. Mirror I wrote the message on May 30th, 7. First thanks for your response. I guess a part of me suspected the conclusion you came to. But here's the thing I still haven't heard back since my apology and in fact hangs head in shame I may have reached out again Now he's just deleted me from Facebook which just shows me he has no intention of getting in touch or wanting to stay in touch.

Not only does this mean there's no possible hope of a reconciliation, I feel like I should never have given him a second chance after he disappeared the first time. So, I'm guessing I'll never hear from him again but how do I deal with the rejection? Because I feel rubbish. Anonymous, "I may have reached out again When you do that, you immediately place yourself in a position of vulnerability and one where you can be hurt. Why do that to yourself? If a man wants you, he knows where to find you - and he WILL seek you out.

So as a woman, it's always best to let that happen as it's the only real way a woman can know whether or not a man is genuinely interested - to see if HE pursues HER. Because when women pursue, basically they're attempting to convince a man to be with them. And that never works.

And you should never have to convince someone that you're a great person. If they don't already see that and value it as such, then you simply let that be their loss. But I also know that many women refuse to accept non-interest from a man, particularly when he was interested enough to sleep with her once or twice, and as such, they are in denial of the man's non-interest and then willingly place themselves in positions to be used yet again by the man, only for him to disappear a second time.

The best indicator of someone's future behavior is observation of their PAST behavior. As for dealing with the rejection, you have to cease feeling like a victim and you have to accept the fact that you walked right into this - and you have to walk through the pain, the fire.

Sounds harsh, I know. I met a guy online we went out on a coffee date this was followed up with another date. He than asked me to go away with him for a night. We spent two great days and one night together and when we went to breakfast he spoke about as becoming exclusive. Like some of the others on here I had set up a false profile. A few days before going away with him he had mad a contact though had never spoke. On the last day of the time spent away he left and I went online that night of which he than started a conversation and gave his phone number to the false profile.

I confronted him and told him that this was a girlfriend of mine and we quite often exchange notes on who we were talking too and that I was devastated as we had only discussed that morning about taking our profiles off in the near future. He said what he did was wrong He finally rang me on the Sunday night. He text me all week and rang me every day. The weekend comes again and he told me he was busy with family problems.

He was going to call me later that day of which was a Friday and he didn't. I sent a text to him a couple of hours ago just asking how his weekend is going and I have got no reply.

Probably all up I have known him for 4 weekends and not once was he available. I think he has someone in the back ground or is a player. I feel like a fool as I should have let it go the first time I am not going to answer if he trys to communicate now Anonymous, "why do guys have to do this what to they get out of it?? Been dating this guy for 2 months.. He was consistantly-- texting and calling-I spent the weekend with him -we had to cut it short because his mom hurt herself so we both come home -- we live within 50 miles of each other and now -- he has called 1 time in the last 4 days and sent a text with his picture and a Waylon Jennings song "Good hearted woman in love with a good timing man" and has now been sending me songs to my email Not sure what the heck to think about that After the 3 songs this morning I tried to called-it kicked into VM..

Have I fell into the hands of a player? Anonymous July 10, It's a player - a womanizer. Proceed with caution dear. Mamita - Hi Honey, how are you? BF - I hope you had a wonderful weekend. I haven't forgotten you! As a matter of fact I was just thinking of YOU!

Can YOU guess what it may be!!??? Time to dump the playa? Anonymous July 11, 2: Time to - WALK: I have a question I am a female and I am the cheater. Ive been cheated on many times withmy current bf and cant find it in me to breakit off, so Ive just been enjoing life just as much as he has, lets say. Anyway, I cheated with a HOE. This guy knew everything to say, do …and Im so infatuated with the thought of him.

He has done this before, and dated other women after stealing them away…. My mind is spinning. If I was to fall for him, could we have something real? I am 30 so I have had a lot of experience with dating.

This is really well written! Nice job on this article, I totally agree. The Ladies, I published the comment above on purpose gals. So that you can see, first hand, the immaturity and utter lack of respect that these sorry ass excuses for men have for women. Like women aren't smart enough to see these overcompensating macho idiots and their high school tricks without some sort of "opening" to do so first.

And most times, the first thing that gies these idiots away isn't what is seen, it's what is smelled sensed - a big pile of shit. And he totally gives himself away here as a pick up artist, player type in that: As for this "needs a good hard fuck" - notice the vulgarity he spews regarding such an intimate act? It's not special to him, it never is to a player. Players are generally not very complex, "deep" individuals. They are generally very shallow instead and emotionally "cut off" and detached from their emotions, as you can see, and intimacy is one of their biggest fears insecurity.

As such they view things on a very shallow, very primative, very primal level - much like a caveman, "Me man, have needs, want sex, ugg ugg. And they don't make for good lovers, boyfriends or husbands as a result. Hell, they don't even make for good boy toys either as it's all about them and you - yea, most times, they could replace you with say. They won't respect you, they won't connect with you, and they won't ever be able to make you happy.

Thank you for the article. I too was hurt by a so called player, only it was my first love from over 25 years ago. All the signs were there and even though I felt it in my gut, I just didn't want to believe he would do that to me.

We reconnected on Facebook. I won't bore you with details but what ended it after putting up with his games was his lack of respect when he kept getting me to converse with him on Facebook chat and leave me hanging in the middle of the conversation. When he wouldn't stop, I ended it but was crushed my first love would do that to me. There was a guy i was interested in for the last 7 months in the armed forces who has been playing games.

Although it was an internet thing so i never met him. He would drop in and out of contact when it suited him about meeting up and then when it got closer to the day he would disappear or be busy. Some Facebook detective work has showed he has been dating a beauty pagent queen which is a bit gutting since i have fair skin and dark hair.

I decided to delete and block him as i didnt need the sadness and stress. Out of sight of mind right? I guess i tolerated it as i was flattered someone so good looking would show me interest. Feel a bit exhausted now from all his games when i was so honest. Although i try to remember my friends advice that ive probably had a lucky escape and probably made him into some knight in shining armour he wasnt. The best tip or hope I could give Ok i met this guy and the first time.

The second time we hung out and went to see a movie i paid. He said he would pay me back when he got paid. Then he set up us a date to go out. But at the last min canceled bt asked if i could go to his place and still hang out. We just talked on txt for a few days then he asked me to come ovee his place again and i said i couldn't because of how he didn't reply the first time he asked. And we didn't have sex. Anonymous August 30, 2: In the early stages of dating, I don't advocate accepting lazy date offers house hang outs that have a propensity to lead to fee and easy "hookups" for these guys.

The early days are when both parties should be impressing one another and displaying what they have to offer each other, and not just financially. When a man dates a woman and takes her to nice places and shows her a good time, what he's really signaling to her is, "I like you, I respect you, I want to treat you special like a lady and make you feel nice and I am WILLING to show you that.

If someone gives you the milk their time for free, that individual on the receiving end getting free milk - is not going to suddenly feel inspired to purchase the cow make an investment, both financially and emotionally.

As human nature would have it, the more likely scenario is, once they've received free milk for an extended period of time - they're going to begin "expecting" free steaks as well - and they're NEVER going to purchase that cow. Instead, the cow turns into a "cash cow.

This profit far exceeds the amount necessary to maintain the business" The cow becomes a "cash cow" that generates unusually high profits free stuff, possibly sex and your time that far outweighs the investment zero from him necessary to maintain the continuance of receiving free stuff your time, possibly sexual favors, etc.

The reality here is that this guy is making zero investment in you dear, yet - he still receives those high profit margins of your time and possibly sexual favors. Because your time is valuable, you are valuable, your attention is valuable.

If you give yourself your time away for free, no one is going to "invest" in it you later - and you're going to quickly become that "cash cow" - get what I'm saying here? My suggestion is, take your good old time responding to this one.

Mirror him, if he takes a day, you take a day, etc. If he stands you up, you're not available to him for at least a week after that if at all. Cease that immediately and cease accepting his lame date offers. If he offers a lame date, you're busy even if you're not and you refuse. And then, you offer another date that you're available 3 days later and you make a suggestion that signals to him how you expect to be treated.

You say, "Oh gee, I can't, I've already made plans. But I am available on Saturday. Maybe we could meet at the outdoor market [or along the shore, or at a park, or for a cup of coffee] or go to dinner if you'd like.

I really like that. And those are men that you do NOT want to date dear. Those are "good time guys," - but they are not husbands, lovers or boyfriend material. And if he doesn't make some sort of effort or investment on some level, then he's signaling to you that he's not WILLING to - and that's when you walk - and find a man that's going to treat you well, care for you, respect you and aim to impress you, at least in the early stages.

Because lets face it, the early stages are when everyone should be putting their best foot forward. And these lazy losers and chumps out there - are NOT putting their best foot forward and therefore, should NOT be winning your attention as a result. Never answered it in front of me. I am a married, separated woman of three months who started seeing an ex-bf. Five years ago; we dated about a year; I broke up with him because he would not commit to me.

I married; but he never married; he dated several women; one special lady of whom he claimed was suppose to be his future wife; but he denied wanting to get married for several reasons.

He has been divorced over 15 yrs. He confided that he had been a "bad boy"; but wanted to change. I felt that this meant he was willing to commit to one person.. He also told me once that he loved me and I believed that he did. But to my dismay; deja vu once again; MIA, not responding to calls nor texts, excuses one after another of why we could not get together..

A few weeks after a hot night of passion; we had a pillow talk; he explained that he was ill and needed to have surgery and wanted to know if I would be there for him to "Keep IT up! I agreed; went to outpatient surgery against my better judgement to find out that his main lady came in the front door with him. I always felt that he was not quite being truthful. Because I am a married woman going through a divorce; I thought he was protecting me and himself by keeping our relationship on the "downlow".

It took all I could to keep my composure; I was shocked that he allowed me to come there when he knew his gf was going to be there too!! Somehow, I think she kinda knew who I was; but he probably told her some cocky mania story that I was his "friend".

I never told her the whole truth for fear of exposing our fling. Anyway, my bad; I have been played. He showed me all the signs, red flags went up like the 4th of July, but I just couldn't see the forest for the trees. I did have enough self-esteem to leave him alone; but it hurts like the dickens. He has called me twice to redeem himself. I think just to keep me hanging on when he recovers from his surgery.. I wanted to say "I hope your pecker don't work anymore!

This has taught me a valuable lesson in life.. Anonymous Male, Thank you for sharing my friend. I mean no disrespect here, but I did notice that a couple statements in your comment sound a bit emotionally immature as they are very broad, general assessments that do not and will not apply to every single female on the planet. Making statements like that about women are like women claiming that all men are players - which is simply NOT true - and also not a fair assumption.

Additionally, claiming that all players do what they do because a woman broke their heart, again seems a bit of an immature assumption to me.

Many players have personality disorders and things like ego issues and insecurity that drive their behavior. To assume that every single man that does this is one who had his heart broken by a woman, again, a tad immature to assume. Things like narcissistic personality disorder, insecurities, social disorders like sociopathy, ego issues - these are all viable contributing factors to that type of behavior in both men and women.

That's like women claiming that all men always play games, which is equally untrue. Gentlemen DO exist and confident men feel no need to play such games. They don't feel the need to manipulate to win a woman's affections because they're confident that their leadership qualities and provider capabilities and personality and special ways are enough to attract women to them. Folks who play games, men and women both, generally have very deeply rooted issues of insecurity that drives that type of behavior.

Not every single man on the planet is straightforward. Not every single human being on this planet is a cookie cutter display where everyone is the same. We're all unique and as a result, not every single individual on the planet fits under one single label like that. It's not women that cause you to play games - it's the insecurities that result from the pain of rejection that cause this behavior. Because someone once hurt you, you now feel entitled to go around punishing others that did NOT cause you that pain?

That is not how life works my friend. There is such a thing as karma - what you put out there comes back to you, three fold. So if you put negativity out into the world, then all you can ever expect to receive back is more negativity.

And if you treat others poorly, then all you can expect to receive back from those actions is being treated poorly yourself in return. Not all men are players and not all women play games. We are each unique and we do not slip easily under one label as a result. Just as there are male game players and gentlemen - there are also female game players and good women.

As a result, it's not fair to lump everyone from a particular gender under one label and it's immature to think that people are all the same like that and that it's okay to hurt and punish others for the pain that someone entirely different caused you several years or months back.

We ALL experience pain, rejection, hurt and suffering at the hands of others - both men and women. But many of us have the proper coping skills in place to deal with the ups and down that life will always throw at you without childishly enacting our revenge on everyone because we were hurt once.

Sounds to me like instead of developing a sense of self-awareness and using coping skills to properly process your emotional pain and baggage - you are avoiding developing those skills and instead - taking the easy, childish way out - by feeling entitled to hurt others because someone once hurt you.

That's no justification for hurting others. Be an adult, take responsibility for your actions, accept that people will always hurt you, disappoint you and let you down, develop the proper coping skills to deal with those ups and downs that life will always throw at you in a mature, healthy manner - and grow up.

Or - continue hurting others without cause and bringing pain back onto yourself as a result. Anonymous Male, Do a little soul searching my friend: Regarding the justification of the self-proclaimed player above, here's an interesting bit about it: His justification of his actions - in essence - actually justify the behavior of the woman who hurt him.

By claiming that he's justified to treat others poorly because he himself had been hurt. Meaning, it then suddenly becomes okay for her to have hurt him because she, herself, had most likely been hurt prior to him by another man.

So all his behavior is really doing - is justifying the actions of the woman who hurt him. By permitting himself a free pass to hurt others because he, himself, was once hurt - he has now granted the woman who hurt him - a free pass for her actions of hurting him because one could assume she was once hurt prior to him.

He basically stooped to her level and in doing so - justified the pain she caused him. He can now no longer point the finger and lay blame against her because chances are, she was hurt by a man prior to him - and that caused her to hurt him - which is now justified according to his logic. Ladies, Watch out for men who claim "we are always straight forward". So are you playing it straight? Or are you playing games? There's a lot of conflicting, self-defeating behavior there.

No one wants to spend a significant amount of time around someone that makes them feel like crap and causes them pain. And via the Law of Attraction, which states that "like attracts like," they attract equally insecure individuals to themselves, thus creating a viscious, negative, repetitive, painful dating lifestyle for themselves. Folks, there ARE good people out there. Without a doubt, there ARE good men and women out there.

You just have to filter, be very choosy, get comfortable with saying no - and find the one that's right for YOU.

The one that is willing to fulfill your needs, care for you and treat your heart as something valuable and special.

At all costs, men and women both, steer clear of the one's that are "out to get you" [to get over on you] and use you, simply to prove to themselves that they can - so that they feel better about themselves. I dated someone for 3 months When I questioned him about this towards the 3 month mark Well, shortly after that conversation I sent one text msg after a week of silence Yes, it does a number on your head and took awhile for me to get over someone having the audacity to do something like this to me Exactly one year later I took days to respond I let it play out for a month After six weeks of this, he finally asked me out I wanted to hear from him in person why he disappeared His reason why he disappeared seemed far-fetched, yet still plausible.

After reading up about these disappearing guys and players I am seeing signs he is a player. So now I will leave him twisting in the wind I am not interested in being a FWB or some kind of back up girl! Anon Dec 2 9: Then, if he for some reason is not lying , you won't have made him feel like crap And, if he is lying and is just a player, you'll know by how he reacts and responds to you or not.

If he's changed, maybe you could end up having a lasting relationship with him? Sometimes I think that guys just need a little guidance and consistency which ultimates in the "much longed-for, secretly desired, outwardly-pretendedly loathed" Discipline from girls I mean, often we truly can help each other more than for what we give the others credit.

Whew, I needed this! Long story short - I grew up home-schooled and really sheltered. I am dealing with something situation with a guy that this article greatly helps. Thank you for writing Mirror! You're a genius, I think! Dear Mirror, I'm writing because I feel so lost and I am hurting. I met a man online 6 months ago, we met and we started off bad, argument on the first date.

He is an arrogant, self centered.. We ended up going out again, but became physical. We kept texting on daily basis, maybe more like sexting.

He would hardly call me or meet me in person. He said he was a very busy business person and works till very late. I'm also professional doing grad school too, so it was convenient at the time. For 3 months he went out of town for business, and I ended the relationship.

He kept texting me and convinced seduced.. I knew in my mind, it was not going to be a serious relationships, but everyday I would get good morning texts, can't stop thinking about you, can't wait to see u, until the goodnight baby He was upset that I didn't act excited when he came back, I just wanted t take it slow. He wasn't really asking me out for dinner. We kept texting, I sent him lunch to his work, because of his long work hours.

A week after he was back, and kept saying how much he wanted to see me, we met, he picked me up, and ended hanging out in his car fancy: After that night, he texted how much he loved seeing me and how much he liked me and kisses. I never heard from him again.

A week later, I decided to go to his work, to make one of his fantasies he had told me come true. He had mentioned in the past that after a certain time nobody would be there since he and his family own the place. I went in a coat with very sexy lingerie under, and brought a dessert, I texted him several times no answer, I rang the bell..

As soon as I was pulling out of parking lot, I received an angry text that how dare I went to his office, that it wasn't our deal! I know he used me, I now it's humiliating, I know he and his family are not good people, and I am "supposedly a very smart and strong woman", so how come I can't get over him.

I try to find closure. He always said he never had someone else, and as much as it showed the opposite.. I can't move on. I have never been like this before, I am the strong person, good girl, hard worker..

I have broken up with all my ex's, and they are all in good terms with me. Why am I hurting so much, and worse, can't stop texting him everyday, I guess seeking for answers.. The rejection and the way he has ignored me, has hurt me deeply.

So he is a player, charmer, very good looking, disappeared and reappeared.. I just want to move on, but have not been successful. Have started the no contact.. Any advice on how I can take him out of my heart, mind..

Really don't know what else to do, other than that, I have an amazing life.. I've been dating this guy for a little while now and everything is going okay, as it is I have to have a lot of faith and trust in him because it is a long distance relationship, he tells me he never wants to lose me and that I'm the only one he's ever opened up to and general things that make me feel special.

But he spins wild stories about his dad ordering 7 of the newest mustangs, ferrari's and a whole lots of other cars. Besides the tall tales he has told my sister that he likes her but can't lose me..

And there is a very strange and confusing story between him and my best friend from before I knew him.. I don't know if he's a player as such but I'm confused. Anonymous Dec 21, 1: So proceed accordingly, or pull out completely. In desperate need of advise I met this guy on a trip to America, we only spoke for 10 minutes and I obviously didn't have a US number to exchange so just gave him my facebook details and that was it, thought I'd never see him again and didn't think into it.

Anyway he added me on facebook and we started talking, then I gave him my Australian number and we began texting.

Then came videos that we would send each other just asking how each others day was etc and facetiming. From such a short conversation we were now texting each other every day, as much as 40 times or more a day.

He ended up booking himself a ticket and came over to see me for 3 weeks. He said before he got here that as soon as he lands that he is my boyfriend I found it all a little strange to be honest, I am not one for rushing into things at all..

I am some what emotionally detached I guess but everything was great with us. On the last 3 days I was missing my space and grew a little distant from him and kind of was looking forward to him leaving, despite actually really liking him I am a little odd like this. When he went back I just got this bad gut feeling. I found it weird that in 3 weeks of him being here he never posted a photo of me or mentioned me in any of his instagram photos and my friend who has twitter as I don't said that he never mentioned me on there either.

I told him that I had a funny feeling about him and something wasn't right and that I can't be bothered with this and basically said "Thankyou for being a part of my life, all the best and take care" he sent me a reply, followed by another and again a third saying he didn't want to lose me. We kind of worked it out and he still constantly texts me with good morning msg's and texts throughout the day but yesterday I mentioned to him again about how It irks me that he never mentioned me on instagram or twitter.

I am used to guys being proud of being with me and showing me off it's what you are supposed to do when you are fond of someone and with them. I told him the only reason I could see someone not wanting to do that is because I am not the only one and gave him an ultimatum to either make me known or this is the end of the road for us. He said he completely understood where I was coming from and that he wasn't hiding me. Yet he hasn't put a photo up of us when he was here.

I am not stressing at this point as it was only last night we had this discussion but I have given myself a time limit of 48 hours to see if he will put something up. In normal circumstance it wouldn't bother me that he didn't put a photo up. I have not put a photo of him on Instagram or Facebook either Though I don't actually use them very much, I am kind of anti social networking, where as he is very much into social networking , but I have this strange feeling in my stomach that I can't trust him.

If it weren't for the feeling then there wouldn't be any issues. I hear from him constantly, I am in another country so its not like he is using me for sex, He has sent me videos when he is with his mates and they jump in the video to say hi to me, he travelled across the world to see me, we are planning to go to Mexico with his best friend and his best friends girl.

He has told me that we need to figure out at some point who is going to move because we can't do this long distance thing forever etc etc so he talks and behaves like he is committed but then there's that funny feeling and It's like I know he is serious about me but how do I know there aren't other woman he has on the side to occupy himself with whilst I'm not there I don't want to be number one, I want to be the only one!

I don't know if its just me thinking into it too much because of the situation or if I have a player on my hands. Can someone please shed some light. Nadia86, "as soon as he lands that he is my boyfriend I found it all a little strange to be honest, I am not one for rushing into things at all.. I am some what emotionally detached I guess " You're not detached dear - that is odd and it should raise a red flag. If you find being in a relationship is just not worth all the trouble, and bull that goes along with trying to be in relationship…fine.

They have always been there on a dime when I need help with something around the house, or with my car. My point is you need men in your life, esp as friends. I should have thought it was obviously nice behaviour! So very sorry that you have not been fully appreciated for the wonderful person you seem to be. Your post is so eloquent. Good luck with everything you do. Yawn, women are pretty useless with looks your comments just proved that to me, Now you know what unemployed men deal with.

Welcome to my world, of perpetual loneliness, now I will give you some of the crappy advice women tell men frustrated with dating difficulties: Your trying to hard, just let it happen. Just be yourself and focus on life outside of relationships 3. Be patient there is someone out there for you. Game aka Charisma is one advantage of that men have because we are always trying to meet women. Sorry ladies, but women treat men like crap when they women are young and attractive to men.

Younger women can be brutal, and then they turn thirty. I experienced it myself many times: Women often refused to treat me with even basic human decency when rejecting my interest in them. Luckily, not all of them, but a large enough percentage that it shook my confidence more than a little, and I am very confident in who I am as a person.

Women have a difficult time adapting to the new environment. Men look at women and decide if she is what he is looking for, but with different standards than women use. Men that are interested in a thirty-eight year old woman are more than likely in their mid to late forties, or early fifties, and, if interested in marriage, are not usually looking to have babies. After-all, a fifty year old guy would be nearly seventy by the time junior graduates high school. But the thought of very young children, seems like a life sentence, as we would like a few years alone with our better-half before poor health sets in.

A thirty-eight year old woman with no kids, that wants kids, is not for everyone. A thirty-eight year old woman has youthful beauty… to a fifty plus year old man fifty in just a few weeks myself, so I think I can speak from that point of view and you may find one that thinks he will live forever…. You know, the guy you overlook every time because of some artificial disqualifier you have place on him. I truly hope everyone that wants to get married, have a family, and fill fulfilled in their dreams, is able to achieve it.

I believe that the only real road block in your path is yourself. Beauty for men equals, hour glass figure, beautiful head of hair, glowing complexion, colgate smile, high cheek bones, generally looking like she could grace the cover of a fashion magazine.

Try being a woman and navigating THAT sexual minefield. Pretty good balance I think. I think we are hard wired to gravitate to physical attractiveness, because these traits usually signal good health and fertility.

My thoughts on this, for both genders is to stop bemoaning the fact that the opposite sex looks for superficial physical attraction, and make the most of your own looks. After all YOU also are drawn to physical attractiveness yourself. Look at most happy couples. Many of them are in the averagely attractive category.

I am sorry you were treated rudely by women in your youth. But just as men and women are BOTH drawn to physical attractiveness and many think that this is OK for their gender, but not the opposite BOTH genders experience bad treatment from the opposite sex. It really sucks, but rejecting an interested suitor in a kind way, is usually a social skill that comes with maturity.

Not saying that YOU personally mistreated women, I have no way of knowing but many members of your gender did. BOTH genders are drawn to physical beauty, some to the point where it clouds their judgement, others are able to strike a healthy balance between attraction and compatibility. BOTH genders experience mistreatment from the opposite sex as well.

Neither gender has a monopoly on mistreating the other. Disrespectful shallow men like you give all those great guys out there a bad name. As a mother a single mother for over 6 years now the love I have for my kids is unfathomable. The bonds I have with these humans is unmatched. No man can compete with the lovely and secure feeling of knowing that you have built your own little kingdom of lovely people who all love each other, FOREVER.

Give yourself the experience of pouring yourself into a deserving little human and make another human who needs it, feel that no matter what someone, somewhere in the world thinks they are the best thing in it.

Men are no where near as wonderful as the love you can have for a child. Good girl, this article is boring as hell.

All women deserve a good man. Over 35, who cares??? Marriage is an arrangement to enable BOTH people, to maybe have children, and to eventually leave by death. Men are looking for this too.

Ever walked into a man pad? Women run the show when they know their worth. Look around you at all the married people. There are a lot of them that are below average looking. There are a lot of them that are unattractive. There are quite a few that are even revoltingly ugly. And they found someone to marry. So you see men as a means to an end? I love this article. Great advice that, if you truly subscribe to it, works. And at what age is that? A person working in a company consisting of people will probably have a slightly higher chance to meet an opposite sex.

I think the critical moment arrives when most of our friends are getting married. Than we start to ask what is wrong with us. We tend to overlook the big picture. They had built their relationship for years and some of them arrived to conclusion to get married. Which leads me to the No. What I can say about myself that I was too picky, to unwilling to settle for something less.

I wanted an equal partner in every aspect. I dare to say it is. I turned down few interesting offers with potential of good quality relationship and I regret it. Because I was afraid of commitment, of losing my freedom, of everything what relationship brings. Just recently I have started to feel being ready and it is only due to maturing and working on myself.

But back to your point. We should also consider the quality of the marriages. Lucka, yes you are very unrealistic like many of the women here, I base this on your comment: Your like plenty of women posting here chose to remain single by being too demanding.

Most single men do not have this option but ask yourself when your looks fade how will you meet men? Out of every entry that was shared and read so far, I find your entry to be the most balanced and realistic. Based on my perspective. A-L Women usually come to this conclusion when at their looks begin to fade and they realize that men will are not checking them out or kissing their asses as much anymore. So women do what men have done since high school, They start looking and working on themselves with the hope of attracting someone that they would have shot down years ago.

Why does it have to be that there are a host of things wrong with her that she must fix? Thank you for stating this! I also invest a lot of time in meeting straight and available men, but I will not settle for someone who is not right.

Only if they ask for dating advice, claiming no one is available who meets strict criteria. Which was the original point. Yes agreed, I am 37 and single — I found this article was fairly naive!

The worst thing people can do is compare themselves to what others are doing at different ages. In one case, it seems to be a matter of living in a city with more women, being tall, incredibly intelligent, bubbly, friendly and successful. Luckily she held out and has recently found her match. I am a 38 year old female Buff and I agree with you. I never really wanted kids and I am okay with my life choices. Some of it is likely my fault, focused on career, stayed in bad relationships for too long, but some of it is also circumstances and the fact that because marriage and children were never truly life goals or mine I did not focus on them much.

Now all I really want is a companion, someone to travel with and spend time. Someone to share in my success. I would like to marry and meet one person, just so I can get off the dating merry go round. Contrary to this article I have no problem with getting dates online on any of the sites.

Yes I too get the older guys, the married ones etc, but I get a lot of dates with normal guys too. If I wanted to I could go on a date every night of the week and almost all ask for a second.

Age does not mean you cannot online date. My inbox is still full, sometimes too full. But I also have no problem dating divorced men or men with kids, never have. I do like tall men and non smokers and men who have jobs.

I have a lot of friends my age that are in serious denial. Thinking somehow at 38 that they will meet a man and still have a family the natural way and not realizing how hard it is. First, you have to meet the right man, then get pregnant, etc. This is very difficult. All the while they sit home waiting for him to come. At least I got on several dates a week trying. Mother nature is not on our side ladies, its a brutal reality.

So yes you can find a relationship at any point in your life, but if kids is your goal, then let your goal be realistic. Buff Stud- Not every woman wants kids. I also have several friends who settled out of fear.. People usually start dating around the age of 18, this means that she had approximately 20 years to find a suitable partner. And mind you… a woman had the best years of her life to find someone she was at her best in terms of beauty, physical shape and fertility, as well as options -more men are available, after that, many are married with kids.

At 38 the men she she finds will not be the same as the ones in her 20s and early 30s. Other than that, there is absolutely no reason to believe that you will find a better partner later than sooner.

Do you really think you can apply yourself to a goal for 20 years or even 8 years without making progress? Let me turn this around.

And her advice is largely common sense. I can expand my dating pool by dating divorcees and single parents. I can expand my dating pool by getting out and being active with different groups. If I understand the kind of impression I make, I can change it to attract more or better people. You seems somewhat angry in you tone. Seems like you are really lost. I am not against taking stock of your life and changing a few things about yourself here and there.

Maybe like joining clubs, beginning to exercise, even compromising on the qualities you consider important in a partner, also admitting to the world that you are looking for love and being open about it. The whole point of searching for a partner is to find a companion who will bring some kind of happiness into your life. The goal is not necessarily marriage, it is happiness or content in your marriage.

I come from a society where it is all about marriage no matter what. I am 38 yrs old and I very much want to find love and marry but I still have standards that this man I marry has to meet. If you know so many people whom you went to high school or college with, who are married or have kids, does this not mean you should get married so you can measure up to them?

Why would you want to date a divorcee? Or a single parent? Assuming that you are not either. What in the world is wrong with a divorcee? Or a single parent for that matter? And, while my first choice would never be a divorcee or a single parent, there are so many exceptions that I cannot begin to list here. Any good parent would avoid someone with that mindset like the plague.

Part of the problem with this culture is, there are too many single parents relegating their kids to the emotional dustbin for your kind. On the one hand I can see what Moxie is saying.

But I guess if one is going to work on herself, the reason behind the motivation should be examined first. But if she invests in herself for the sole purpose of attracting the right guy, then I wonder about that approach. Nor did I suggest that they should keep doing the same thing over and over.

Once they get into the marriage and reveal their true nature, the relationship falls apart. The goal is not marriage but a good marriage that is sustainable. And the reality is that some people will never find it. Yes I am searching but I also know that there is a chance that I might not find love or a partner. Not everyone wants to be seeing someone seriously or wants to get married. The best way to do something successfully is to emulate people who succeeded. This then becomes an issue of how to effectively emulate other people.

Two men were talking to each other…. But why would that make you sad? A serious reason could imply a seriously flawed dating strategy or a seriously flawed expectation. I put no effort into dating for years. Your initial response to Moxie was: Do you really think anyone man or woman who has been putting some effort into dating and using an effective strategy can go 20 years without meeting someone who would be a wonderful spouse? Karl, there are many other aspects to this.

But you are talking about love here. You are wrong for putting a time time frame in finding one. As a matter of fact most of them are still single at very old age. Do you think they also were just sitting around waiting for someone to fall into their laps? He got angry with them and accused them of not applying themselves or not being disciplined or not just trying hard enough or wanting it badly enough to reach greatness not MJ level of greatness, of course, just mortal level of greatness.

Well, when he left basketball and played minor league baseball, he gained a whole new perspective because no matter how hard he tried, no matter how much of the MJ mental and physical discipline and hard work he applied to baseball, he simply was not a good player. My point is that yes indeed there are some women who are following sensible dating strategies and still have not found a wonderful spouse.

Karl R, I am a realist: My original points were over-the-top in order to get attention, and since it worked….

Why do women ultimately want to marry? Also, yes, I do think that someone who has been using the same dating strategies for 20 years can make a wonderful spouse. Both ended when the men left to find younger women, but I guess in your mind that makes me damaged goods.

Ditto the fact that temptation is encouraged for both sexes, and in our faces, everywhere. Yikes — women like you make me cringe! Just by the way you went about responding to his blog post demonstrates you are someone who needs to commit this article to memory and hire Evan ASAP!! God if this is you in a comments section I can only imagine the real you on dates. You sound over-dramatic, self-centered, slightly delusional and victim-minded.

I feel you are in serious need of a real hard look in the mirror and probably some counseling. Children need a lot more than love poured into them. The fact that you are on a dating website baffles me — why are you here? Do you think this website was going to reinforce your negative and self-loathing views? These sites are geared to get people to self-reflect and take an honest hard look at what could be holding them back. Find a site where women sit around and bash and blame men all day.

I am a fit 39 year old woman who looks I have never been married or have any kids, but it was my dating strategy that needed some fine tuning. I have been rejected many times. Why, because I was too available. If a man I liked asked me out, I would say yes. They need a challenge and to know that a woman is not going to just give in at the drop of a hat.

The minute they think that you are immediately wanting a relationship, even though you may not want that, they will run. Are you confident, happy, positive, fun??? These are traits men want and look for. We want a confident, happy, positive, and fun man. I think you will find someone when you love yourself first.

I think women do, too. He kills all sexual tension. Tom10, she was quoting me and what I would have done different was really put more of an effort. I waited around for guys thinking they would eventually fall in love with me. In a few cases I slept with a guy way too early and found that was all he wanted from me. Now I only want childless preferably never married and I mostly find single dads. I would have made a point to actively seek men wanting marriage.

Emily, I equate dating to a buffet. You can pick and choose and keep sampling the selection. Instead of hundreds of seafood dishes there are 20 varieties. Much of the food is cold or has already been sampled.

Much of the food left is uncommon things and you either decide to try it or go hungry. You might food that is edible but most is cold or moldy. I do think though one thing many people do is think too much too soon. When I was younger I would think a date meant a long term relationship. I even got used by a few men for money or sex because of this. I take my time now and in fact I am celibate until marriage but wish I had done this when I was younger and quality of men was better.

I wish I had done a lot of things differently when the pool of availables was much better. You can show interest without drooling over the person. I would have paid more attention to time. I guess I always thought that when I was ready, it would be ready for me. I never felt a sense of limited options until I started to look around after about the age of Or hope he approaches you. Must past 30 and the odds are low that that appealing man is available.

In fact, much past 30 and the odds are low there will be more than one available man at the party. The process of selecting someone starts to feels unnatural because it is not based on what interests you but what is on the rack. I like your buffet analogy. That pretty much sums up dating once you are in your 40s and older.

I need to change my mindset, though, because going at something with a defeated attitude is never good. Emily, the original, I would consider guys previously married in some instances like he had a brief earlier marriage and no kids.

I prefer never married but a guy like that would be a possibility assuming on several factors like it was a Vegas or courthouse wedding would be fine, not so much a church wedding. Yeah the dads is my deal breaker and I get flack for it. I have seen stepparents support the kids and sometimes the ex, the drama etc. Not that my standards are super picky looks wise but most of the guys were full blown slobs, many were perverts and sociopaths, etc.

The decent looking guys were interested in the much younger or just not into me. I wonder if this happens to you. I suppose if I met one and we clicked I may change my mind but the divorced guys I know who were married long are on a different wave length to me.

I know I am not interested in single dads which limits my options. I get that all the time. I agreed to a date with a guy I work with. I was explaining to another man I work with that I had turned down his offer of a second date. I mean, I felt nothing. I probably never should have agreed to the first date. If he is into me, then he is. How simple is that. He will appreciate the time that I have for him. However, when he is not into me but ok with me and look for the next best thing while seeing me?

The same thing applies to men. If woman is into you and you text her 20 times a day, she will love it and say he is very attentive. However if she is not into you but you text her that often, she will say you are a stalker or a frick. A couple of my friends got married last year. Their kids from previous marriages are grown and gone. They have no interest in having more kids. If someone continues to use the same dating strategies for 20 years, they will continue to have the same degree of dating success or complete lack thereof.

Nobody will ever know. However, you come across as being pessimistic, bitter and blaming men and society for your current circumstances. So for those reasons , you come across to me as being damaged goods. Men outnumbered women 3 to 1 maybe 4 to 1. The average woman there was below average in appearance. The vast majority of the women there were married or in long-term relationships. Answer you own questions Karl. I believe you are old enough to answer those as you were trying to challenge others.

I think with the geek girls it could simply be matter of having an interest and being involved in an activity that involve lots of men at a young age. The problem is that too many women participate in activities that involve other women or gay men. Have you found Eastern men to be different?

If so- why not go for them instead of just giving up on men? You can probably care less about my opinion, but as some of the others posters have mentioned, you sound bitter. And this is coming from an average looking woman. Then again, most women would prefer a George Clooney clone to a Chris Farley one.

I think that as guys mature and become more interested in a serious relationship, though, that their emphasis on outward appearance decreases and they look more towards the inner qualities that matter most in a long-term relationship. And the guys who are more interested in a serious relationship are the guys you want to be attracting anyway. As men age, they still want the beautiful woman who is great in bed, but now they want her to be beautiful on the inside as well!

So, unlike you, I personally see no evidence that looks matter less to men as they age. Moreover, I rarely see unattractive women coupled with attractive men, but I see the opposite quite a bit.

Women choose between security money, physical ability, clout and attraction height, hair, suit, abs. As they age they have fewer options and settle for the closest they can get, or stay single. Men literally lose their sex drive as they age and look for companions rather than conquests. I went to a large state university- and you really saw ALL kinds of couples there.

I saw less-than-average looking women with good-looking men, and vice versa. I saw couples matched in terms of attractiveness. I saw models who never got dates, and models who had three dates a night. I know everyone believes otherwise, but I think the whole men want models thing is some strange myth that has no root in how people behave in reality. Same with one of my good friends who looks like Winnie from the Wonder Years.

How do you explain that? You all know who Cleopatra is, I assume. It was her power, wit, and brains that charmed men. And this was in BC days! And, this is a bit more sobering, but I was reading the story of a woman born with some syndrome that severely deforms the face.

I still want to date women that I find attractive, but my tastes have expanded. I now find more women attractive than I did when I was younger.

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He ended up booking himself a ticket and came over to see me for 3 weeks.

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Do you really think anyone man or woman who has been putting some effort into dating and using an effective strategy can go 20 years without meeting someone who would be a wonderful spouse?

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Yes I 5fm speed dating searching but I also know that there is a chance that I might not find love or a partner. Online dating for women is a joke. Anonymous Apr 26, 4: Who wouldn't complain about behaviors such as that? I went on later dates because I found the women fun and enjoyed their company. Never thought it would happen to me. Reading your post was like reading tirl own post.