New book answers why it's so hard for educated women to find dates - Chicago Tribune

Illimitable Men

dating a more educated man

I suspect the female readers of Illimitable Men lean more toward the latter, but perhaps not. The artist may think, but he will never be a philosopher. Bitter, angry men could make the same assertion about women, for many men feel that women make no effort anymore.

Destroy your delusions. Actualise your potential. Cultivate your masculinity.

More women than men have been graduating from college at all levels— bachelors, masters and doctoral —for several years, so it was simply a matter of time until the marriage pool reflected that. I have a respect for men and have healthy communication and kindness in past relationships a long marriage without sexual compatibility , so no complaints about men. Do they care, absolutely not. All of your examples are extreme, but not all men are extreme examples of anything. You say in the book, "I realize that most people do not want to think about supply and demand when contemplating matters of the heart. They have to have respect for a man.

I'm also not saying that everybody should get married, or that everyone has to prioritize family or marriage over career. But I do believe in people being able to make informed decisions. And so, if a high school senior is applying to college, and is unenthusiastic about the hookup culture, I think they should know that at a school like Boston University or Sarah Lawrence with a particularly lopsided gender ratio will have a more extreme hookup culture.

And people should know generally that the average gender ratio on campus these days is 57 to 43, which is one-third more women than men, and that is going to lead to a more libertine, a looser sexual culture on campus. So yes, we should definitely care. I also think it's not a good thing that men don't attend college at the same rate that women attend college.

We need a more educated workforce to compete, and one of the ways we could accomplish that is by closing this gender gap and having more boys attend college. I think this is a largely a developmental issue.

The real issue is that boys lag at least a year behind girls, both intellectually and socially, when it comes to brain maturity. As a result, boys don't perform as well in school. I do think that if we essentially red-shirted boys and had them begin kindergarten a year later than girls, it would go a long way toward closing this gap. And in fact, the handful of western countries, like Switzerland and Finland, where both boys and girls start school later, tend to have smaller college gender gaps.

The other thing is that, in the years to come, I think we're going to be hearing more about what I call "mixed-collar marriages," which are pairings of college-educated career women married to working class, non-college educated men.

The best for college-educated women in terms of cities is San Jose. The employers in Silicon Valley tend to draw lots of programmers and computer scientists, and those fields tend to be disproportionately male. It's really the only well populated part of the country where there is a double-digit percentage gap with more young college grad men than women. San Francisco is the second best, probably for similar reasons.

The third best, which is interesting, is Columbus, Ohio, which has a big high-tech job market. Looking at college-educated people age , the three best cities for men are Ft. OKCupid recently named Portland the most promiscuous city in the U.

You say in the book, "I realize that most people do not want to think about supply and demand when contemplating matters of the heart. Sometimes glibly I'll describe this book as the least romantic book ever written about dating, and obviously the core ideas of this book don't leave room for serendipity or magic.

My argument, as I say in the book, is more macro than micro. I'm not saying that two people can't be made for each other and fall in love and live happily ever after. Obviously individuals are going to meet the right person, or sometimes have poor luck when it comes to marriage and dating, for reasons that have nothing to do with sex ratios.

But I don't think people like the idea of market forces influencing who they may or may not end up with, or how their dating pool shapes up, because it does remove any room for all the things that we like to think about when it comes to romance, the unquantifiable parts. Ana Swanson The Washington Post. How would we go about solving this problem, then?

What are some of the unequal dating markets for men and women? Most of all, I just want respect, respect as a human being who has a right not to conform to the traits of the straw woman you have constructed on this blog. My theory is this- the women you call unicorns actually exist all around you, but it is you who have narcissistic tendencies.

Issues as in some sort of dissatisfaction with your day-to-day life. I am not labeling you, I just think you need another way to vent the feelings you have so obviously buried. This is coming from someone who both hates discussing emotions and is on the autism spectrum.

Also, another thing I find disturbing is how you twist the obvious facts to fit your narrative. For example, you claimed at one point that more women were going into the surgery for the status, but how the heck do you know that? Are you some sort of telepath? Sorry if this was long, but I just want to get the word out because to be honest, I was deeply disturbed by the rants on your blog. Thank you and I hope you have a great week. I was just thinking of this today while at hospital.

I observed the nurses as they worked. How would they handle novel situations with a patient lying on the operating table? Like Liked by 2 people. Plenty of women are going into surgical subspecialties. For the very reasons described in the post — status signaling. And entry is competitive, but as this post mentions, women look great on paper. And present themselves well. At my university in Denmark, the main learning which is being taught in all studies there, is that objective rationale science is bad.

A scientist should be inclusive and take factors such as race, sexuality and.. Sounds like feminism is the state religion in Denmark when they have the kind of pull to overtly fuck with science and keep a straight face. No matter what I bring expectations, especially because a lot of women I date or whatever are in the same schools, programs, etc. And I associate intellectual conversation with pleasure, and women with pleasure, it feels natural to me to have both at the same time.

Remembering a medieval trade history book I picked up for a penny, simply from sheer curiosity. I detest women for all your reasons, and find even the educated ones…. I have never had close women friends as I am different….. Men may be threatened …..

I am not a lesbian or even interested in it. Violent crime, that is an interesting comment….. I have done things that men are more prone to do. Men find allies and connections, a woman like me finds no one to be behind her. More later after I read some more of your posts. I know a few women who are truly and genuinely accomplished in terms of intellect.

What pisses us off to no end is women striding in with a very unmanly, but very womanly, sense of entitlement. An only tangentially related aside: Men are constantly engaged in negotiating space and equipment to make sure everyone has a fair shot to use it.

No woman has ever, ever asked me if I wanted to work in. But men always do — the stereotype of the asshole gym bro notwithstanding. Another hilarious observation is that I think women have absolutely no idea what strength is. Everyone is now deluded by absurd, vain media images. Ironically a symptom of their weakness, of letting girls dictate to them. Strength is subjective and solipsistic — everyone is strong in their own little way. There is zero difference between the guy who spends hours and hours mountain climbing in solitude, and the nerd who spends hours and hours playing obscure board games with fellow nerds.

Go to the gym to look good for the ladies. Frankly, that sounds like a total slave mindset. To work oneself just into the thing that others — women — want you to be. In fact, it sounds pretty narcissistic. To maintain appearance, and then to only do it so that others associate one with strength, not to actually be strong by any individual standard. With strength — depending on the form — you can move with ease, lift things and girls , intimidate others, feel great, be believably dominant.

Only a fraction of the life satisfaction of strength comes from having women. Your relativism is despicable; just because there is no absolute mythical strength, that does not mean that the word is completely meaningless. Luckily I was going through my spam folder and told WordPress to take you off the spam filter. You blocked me on Twitter once. Maybe I wrote something that you did not like in the past. Is this supposed to be some sort of satire? Strength is not subjective, dumbass.

I could go on, but is that really necessary? Liked your gym anecdote. I find the majority of men are as you say.

The exceptions being the narcissists that have multiple pairs of dumbbells strewn around their chosen bench. Apparently this selfish usage is an essential part of consecutive sets that unfortunately have to inconvenience fellow gym-goers. One guy I saw was hogging no less than 5 different pairs of dumb bells. Which gave me a hearty laugh. More than enough equipment to share, but only one centre of the universe. This is very basic shaming language to get men to short-circuit their natural instincts.

Mmm,nom nom, thats the food my brain needs. I feel honored to be part of this. Thx for sharing IM. I greatly appreciate that. Yet another intellectually stimulating piece. You tell it like it is. I speculate that feminism is the result of a few smart women dismayed with the vapidity of most, making the wrong assumption — perhaps to buffer their disappointment — that all women would be the way they are, if only someone supported them.

From my limited observation, they are really outliers. Some years ago, I was writing letters with a rather intelligent chick. She reveled in curiosity and abstract thought just like I did. What repulsed most chicks, she liked. She told me about her suspicion of having Aspergers.

One day, I visited her and fucked her the same night. I enjoyed the day with her. Months later, when I became more game-aware and started to be more aggressive and sexual in my messages, she lost interest and rarely replied anymore. Un fortunately, her face was ugly, so I it was not a great loss.

A cute body, though, and an expert disciplined guitar player. Hollywood and all the model photographs portray women with serious faces. It gives them the apperance of depth. From my experience, it is just a show, to be exposed at the first conversation for what it is.

I once saw a studious girl sitting at her laptop in a cafe, looking attentive. I was intrigued and started a conversation. She told me she studied politics and morals or something like that. I tried to start a conversation about the Krim crisis. She became — even more — insecure and seemed like she was only trying to say the right thing and threw some slogans and generic judgments of the situation at me. As you note, she seemed to lack any personal interest in the matter whatsoever.

My interest waned within seconds, replaced by disappointment. Where I had hoped for a challenge, only … vapidity … was found. I would love to hear your thoughts about switching from brutal honesty to machiavellism and vice versa while dealing with women. Keep up the great work, pal! In practice with women I have met, I do find that the more educated do in fact have a greater sense of entitlement and superiority complex. One must wonder if education even makes such women feel better about themselves, if they are truly being honest.

As someone currently married to a PhD in the brain sciences and previously having dated a neurosurgeon and law professor, my quest to find a woman to share my intellectual curiosity has been for naught. There was a time when I was resentful over this, and judged myself a misogynist for such resentment. Now, I simply accept feminine vapidity as an immutable law of physics.

I used to think I had to find some incredible girl who was going to be deep and interesting. Also notice that the girls on the photographs are either fat, short-haired or skittle-haired. She, quite wrongfully, believes her education is an attractive quality because she finds status attractive in men, and therefore believes her education increases the quality of man she should be able to attract.

I liked your posts about power better. Now you turned into a full-blown TRP follower. Can we move on from women, which are only a small part of our lives as men? Just to make it a matter of public record; I have innumerable pieces pertaining to power planned for the future, but an analysis of power and psychopathy has only ever been an aspect of this blog — never its sole purpose. Is it too much to ask for you to talk about both arguments in equal share?

If the contents of the blog have shifted which I consider reasonable, as one might change inclinations , then clearly state so. I am not going to justify anything to you, as I feel no need. Such an articulate way to describe the exact same predicament that I find myself in. Whilst not a scholar, I am an intelligent and educated woman with a partner who has little formal education.

Does this mean he is unintelligent? This leads to extreme frustration at times and despite the fact that he is a lovely man I find myself longing for someone who stimulates me mentally. This was something that I never thought I would have to compromise on and as a result, despite all the good things we share, I find it hard to picture us in the long term.

By raising your standards as you grow all you do is make things harder on yourself. I like your words of wisdom. It is a balancing act. Likewise, physical attraction is neccesary. I am trim and fit and practice a healthy lifestyle. Being obese is something all men can remedy if they will. Amazing how obese men go after fit women. Nowadays women are not looking to be a just a nurse and a purse. They do have criteria they want in man. They have to have respect for a man. What appeals to each women varies.

Knowing what they offer, they are looking for something comparable to themselves. Yes, How dare men want to date someone they are attracted to! They nerve I tell you. Men are attracted to women they are psychically attracted to, not women they feel will provide for them. Steve, how dare you preach this heresy.

You are in severe danger of being burned at the stake if you continue with this course. Whatever, we will just have to remake men to suit what the women want. Oh Lordie, Oscar, that was rich! So many women are refining themselves out of a shrinking market, especially since so many jobs occupied by men with higher educations have been or are continuing to be eliminated.

Steve, you are right that men support themselves but i had seen plenty of guys who are looking for women to support them. Ok, so you can go back on the kitchen. There are some younger men in their 20s who do date much older rich women. Several guys told me they only date good-looking by their standards , slim women. Yet he condemns gold-diggers. Totally unfair double standards.

I think you go that confused. What he was saying was women look for someone to marry. Stop with the bullshit, Women have a problem with manwhores as well, just as much for a fact. Steve — You just illustrated her point!

Date people in your league! That does NOT mean if you are attractive as a man look for an equally attractive woman. Many men think this. Dating in your league for a man means that if you have an average paying job, look for an equally average-looking woman. If you have a high paying job, you will attract more good-looking women. The more status you have and better provider you are, the more desirable you are to women.

For a woman, it means if you are an average looking woman, look for a man who makes an average salary. Women are shallow with looks, status and money, man are shallow with looks. Perhaps a smart man would date a women that is successful just like he is to both be even more successful and powerful as a team? I understand that this what you want to happen, but as you are aware, it does not always happen.

While a lot of men and women who have degrees marry each other, it has more to do with the fact that more and more people earn degrees, and also the fact that people with degrees tend to run into each other more often. While in college, you typically date other college people.

You form a circle let of friends you went to college with. You live in the same areas of town. But, the fact remains that most men with degrees, do not have that as a requirement for a wife. Men prioritise different things. So, instead of wishing it were the other way, learn to prioritize different things.

Look instead to whether a man is really in to you, and his character, and whether you have similar ways if expressing love. How you express love to each other is far more important. If you love to hold hands, and hug, etc, but he is not nearly as affectionate, you relationship is doomed to fail.

I know a lot of men who have really hurt themselves financially by marrying women who had no earning potential. I agree with you on some aspects of your post.

And men are much more into visually appealing stimulation then women are — it is a fact, I studies the difference in the sexes.

Successful men want some type of eye candy, whatever that may be and of course it is different for each man. And no, a lot of men, in fact many men, do not care about a womans education. Do they care, absolutely not. But other men do want a woman who has a job and can support herself and is not looking for a guy to take care of her. They look for women with good self-esteem, who can have a conversation, and is independent to a certain degree.

There are all kinds. And lots of heavy set women are married and happy because there are men who like larger women. As a woman, my criteria are this: I find that to be quite sad. For me intelligence is important as well as emotional intelligence. Then they wonder why they are broken hearted from a woman who cheats on him or takes his money. This is a common mistake: Equating intelligence with formal-education degrees. Further, I have found that some of the densest, irrational, inflexible, obdurate and unstable people to possess advanced degrees.

In addition, she assumes that a woman who has a degree would never cheat on the man, or would not rape him in divorce court, given the chance. I would like to see the research that backs up that wild claim. Did I date them to feel superior to men? I am better than no one. I always wanted an education. It has made me able to stand on my own two feet as a single parent. Congratulations Helene, I am pleased that you have found what you are looking for. All the very best with it.

But is that really true? Men do what they want and then often convince themselves that a sincere and loving woman is too good to be true. Never ever lose yourself in a man. He maintains his individuality even while in a relationship. Women who lose their individuality in a relationship kills the spark in that relationship. And there is a fine line between being an individual and being independent.

A woman who knows how to navigate that line keeps the relationship strong and something that the man wants to stay in. I have been in a relationship with a man one generation older than me and i am the happiest woman in the world, i am so grateful God sent me this wonderful man!!! My man is smart and generous. His knowledge of art has taught me so much about the beauty of life, nature, and human beings… and his approach to life, as a whole, is extremely inspiring.

He has got integrity and he treats me wonderfully… when you encounter sb like this, who care if he does not have a PhD or a masters, or a BA? Take time to really meet and get to know the person behind the labels!!! Again Soul, I am glad that you found what you were looking for. I think however that I am better judge of what is good for me than anyone else is. Translation…I am stubborn and not open to change. I would prefer to remain unhappy with my unrealistic checklist.

Not to mention the fact that even if a guy who meets your expectations comes along, Mr. Wonderful just might end up having an affair with his secretary. Hey…very accomplished men often feel they are of high value and deserve whatever they want also, and often that is his secretary in his bed.

Meanwhile, a great guys are trying to get your attention. Hey lady, this is Stop listening to your biological programming that was not aware of what was going to be like. Your biological programming is geared for a time when a woman would be totally dependent on a man for her safety, material wealth, etc… That is no longer the case. Your biological programming is no longer working in your favor and is the root of your unhappiness. Good luck, you are going to need it. While I certainly prefer college-educated men, I have dated numerous men with only high school diplomas.

The outcome was the same: We had absolutely zero intellectual compatibility. A relationship is likely to last longer if there are shared experiences. A dishwasher with a high school education is not going to be able to relate to any of your experiences in college. No one should make you feel bad or guilty for having your own set of preferences or requirements for who you date.

Sounds like a typical double standard to me. Evidently, everyone has to make compromises. The question is whether your compromises are reasonable or unreasonable. People who end up alone because of their refusal to compromise are pretty unreasonable, given that million people at a time are able to make the compromises necessary to get married.

If you were a great judge of what is good for you, you would probably not be asking the question. Most of us are very poor choosers until we get it right. He was critical, arrogant, condescending, and bossy. And for all the head knowledge this man had, he had no wisdom. Later, I dated a fellow who worked in construction; I felt much more comfortable and able to be myself. Why that one ended I still do not know and probably never will.

Your article fails to recognise what higher education does to change critical thinking. For some, incompatibility in this area can lead to incompatibility in partnerships. Of course, as with all things in life there are exceptions to rules. However, most men I have dated have a lower education than I do and repeatedly this is one of the key factors that leads to our ultimate incompatibility.

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dating a more educated man

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dating a more educated man

But is that really true?

dating a more educated man

This makes me so frustrated! I am working towards balancing a dating life while raising…. What pisses us mab to no end is women striding in with a very unmanly, but very womanly, sense of entitlement. And read up on how intelligence is realized from the dating for black christian singles chromosome not the male. Another dating a more educated man observation is that I think women have absolutely no idea what strength is.