I’m Dating A Passive Beta Male. Is His Behavior Normal?

Stephen F. Hayes

dating a passive beta male

All white men are beta males, even the so-called alphas among them. Though I enjoy being put in charge and given responsibility and the opportunity to thrive under pressure, I am equally valuable as part of a team where my experience and knowledge may benefit others and help reach a goal. U see as the first poster basically said, if u make all the plans, one might get the impression that the man is not all that into u. On The Pickup Artist , he sported a seemingly inexhaustible supply of exotic headgear and man-baubles.

The Disarming of America

First of all I would argue that alpha and beta simplifies things waaaay too much. Then you should ask for my number. We have enough losers in our society. All of that is chasing. I am not going to take the masculine role. You know what I mean?

This dynamic hurts women by inflating their egos. Women who would normally receive zero male attention are able to get hundreds of offers for sex and validation from desperate men. When it comes to validation, every site is a dating site for women. Girls posting their pictures on Facebook, Instagram, and Tumblr get as much, if not more validation than they would from men on online dating sites.

Plus, the validation on social networks is public, allowing women to show it off to their friends and social circle. Social networks and online dating exaggerate existing imbalances in the sexual marketplace.

The rich get richer and the poor get poorer. Before social networking and online dating, an attractive woman might have a couple of men to choose in her social circle.

Now she has two-hundred on Tinder. A regular guy interested in her has to cut through the noise of hundreds of thirsty betas. Imagine that these fat women were constantly eye-fucking you, making passes at you, and trying to molest your dick. Now imagine a cute girl-next-door type walks up and starts talking to you.

Do the fat chicks hurt her chances? In fact, it might even hurt your self-image. Fucking a beta chump is about as exciting to women as fucking a land-whale is to you.

And women love sex. A low hum of desperation. Most people have learned to block out the homeless who are thirsty for money, the way most women have learned to block out men who are thirsty for sex.

Game actually works better on attractive women. Again, not much imagination required. Men will board a plane and go live in a foreign country just because the women are more feminine. Women will write love letters to convicted murderers just to experience a few minutes of alpha. The dynamics are the same. Betas are the fat chicks of the dating world — and there are more betas than ever. Thirsty omegas actually inflate your worth in the sexual marketplace, the same way the obesity epidemic inflates the value of attractive women.

In every society, the men and women deserve each other. Although American women are worse than ever, American men are too. Most are emasculated, unassertive, and unattractive. At the bar, she worked her way through a knot of female rivals to meet him.

What, are you trying to touch them or something? At the Hampton Inn where Max was staying, he introduced Courtney to his dog: Friedman derived that extraordinarily high figure by counting drunken sexual encounters between students as rape. In May, feminist picketers so disrupted an appearance by Max at Ohio State University that he needed a police escort to get away.

Next to her story she posted a photograph of her with Max that she had a friend take at the bar. She is also grinning from ear to ear, her smile as wide as a cantaloupe slice.

Max, mugging for the camera, has his arm draped proprietarily, if not exactly affectionately, around her shoulder as she leans into his chest. No disapproving peers, either. W elcome to the New Paleolithic, where tens of thousands of years of human mating practices have swirled into oblivion like shampoo down the shower drain and Cro-Magnons once again drag women by the hair into their caves—and the women love every minute of it.

Louts who might as well be clad in bearskins and wielding spears trample over every nicety developed over millennia to mark out a ritual of courtship as a prelude to sex: Not just marriage that went years ago with the sexual revolution and the mass-marketing of the birth-control pill or formal dating the hookup culture finished that —but amorous preliminaries and other civilities once regarded as elementary, at least among the college-educated classes.

Here is how Courtney reacted: Wolf devoted her book Promiscuities to trying to remove the stigma from. As long as they take precautions against disease and pregnancy, the current wisdom goes, it might even be good for you: Schwartz seemed unaware that booze-fueled hooking-up lasts well beyond the frat-party years. All this takes place to a basso profundo of feminist cheerleading. Urban life, furthermore, turns out to imitate Sex and the City.

By way of contrast, the median number of lifetime sex partners for all U. A s might be expected, many males would like to help themselves at this overladen buffet.

The birth of the seduction business coincided neatly with the sexual revolution: Left behind like flares, double-knits, and dancing the Bus Stop, the art of the pickup was reborn in the s and rebranded as an exact science. A cadre of guru-like leaders appeared with a set of elaborate rites, precisely defined techniques, and an acronym-laden private language known only to initiates—purposely designed to appeal to men, whose minds seem to thrive on ritual, hierarchy, and complex esoterica think baseball statistics, Scout badges, the military, the Catholic Mass, and the Freemasons.

Jeffries pioneered the coinage of distinctive seduction lingo—his most widely used neologism: All the sites, many of them with chat rooms for seeking advice and trading conquest yarns, peddle self-help books, CDs, DVDs, and other merchandise. They all feature pictures of scantily clad supermodel-like females and the same acronym-laden jargon ultimately traceable to Jeffries: Most would-be pickup mentors assume new names, perhaps to signify their new identities.

His book, The Mystery Method: Although nearly all the master PUAs, including Mystery himself, insist that in their former lives they were socially hopeless geeks who had scarcely ventured within five feet of a nubile woman, many of the trainers, at least at Love Systems, have backgrounds in sales or show business and may not really resemble the introverted IT guys and cubicle nerds who seek their advice. And an ultra-good-looking female to boot.

On The Pickup Artist , he sported a seemingly inexhaustible supply of exotic headgear and man-baubles. Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists. The book, packaged to look like a King James Bible with an oversize imitation-leather cover and Manga-inspired illustrations, is half self-promotion Strauss, a self-described former dork who shaved his head, Lasiked his eyes, and took up the name Style after he joined with Mystery, runs his own web-based seduction business, Stylelife Academy and half chronicle—a monotonous chronicle—of his nightly sarging adventures while living in a pickup-artist group house near Sunset Strip through which drifted an endless string of sordid-if-great-looking strippers, porn stars, model wannabes, and other female inhabitants of the Hollywood demimonde, including Courtney Love at the tag end of her career in between drug-rehab stays.

In June , Craig Malisow, a reporter for the Houston Press , trailed year-old Bashev, a Bulgarian-born graduate student in engineering at Rice University and self-styled pickup expert, to a series of bars and clubs in Houston.

Bashev had no intention of telling the something HBs he met that his day job consisted of working with multivariable calculus. Within minutes, Bashev had not only number-closed but gotten a date for the following Wednesday. Pickup mentors are relying, consciously or sub, on the principles of evolutionary psychology, which uses Darwinian theory to account for human traits and practices. Robert Wright introduced the reading public to evolutionary psychology in his book, The Moral Animal: He summarized what biologists had observed in the field: He also noted that, for example, a female gorilla will be faithful—forced into fidelity, actually—to a single dominant male, but she will willingly desert him for a rival male who impresses her with his superior dominance by fighting with her mate.

Driven by instinctual desire for offspring, male primates chase fertile females so they can replicate themselves, while female primates choose strong males on the basis of survival traits to be passed on to young ones. Evolutionary psychologists like David Buss in The Evolution of Desire and Geoffrey Miller in The Mating Mind have elaborated on these theories, arguing that the human brain itself, with its capacity for consciousness, reasoning, and artistic creation, evolved as an entertainment device for male hominids competing to impress the females in the pack.

Evolutionary psychologists postulate that the same physical and psychological drives prevail among modern humans: Men, eager for replication, are naturally polygamous, while women are naturally monogamous—but only until a man they perceive as of higher status than their current mate comes along. Long-term monogamy—one spouse for one person at one time—may be the most desirable condition for ensuring personal happiness, accumulating property, and raising children, but it is an artifact of civilization, Western civilization in particular.

In the view of many evolutionary psychologists, long-term monogamy is natural for neither men nor women. All of this is obviously pure speculation, if imaginatively rendered and bolstered by anthropological observations of hunter-gatherer societies today.

Furthermore, there is a troubling chicken-or-egg circularity in evolutionary psychology arguments: How did the female hominids know the males were trying to entertain them unless their own brains were sufficiently evolved to appreciate the effort?

Youth and beauty are markers of fertility. E volutionary psychology also provides support for a truth universally denied: Women crave dominant men. There is now an entire blog, My Husband Is Annoying, in which an anonymous wife and her guests post pictures of the schlubs they married and freely criticize their beards, sleeping habits, irritating questions, and dopey poses in photos.

According to an April story in People , Peterson is still being flooded with letters from female admirers almost five years later, many of the mash notes containing checks to pay for his commissary charges. The more notorious the killer, the more fan mail and marriage proposals.

Male marital happiness has declined, too: Bradford Wilcox, an associate professor of sociology at the University of Virginia and director of the National Marriage Project, told me. With no-fault divorce since the s, that can be divorce for no reason at all. The reasons wives divorce their husbands can be legitimate or illegitimate—adultery and abuse or lack of intimacy, growing apart, or having found someone more exciting.

Perhaps for that reason, or perhaps because sex outside marriage is now so readily available no one need buy the cow, the percentage of married people ages 35 to 44 has declined precipitously over the last 40 years: The percentage of children growing up in fatherless families—a chief risk factor for social pathologies—has risen concomitantly: College-educated women have significantly higher rates of marriage and lower rates of divorce than women without college degrees.

The bad news is that such women, who tend to marry late, have far fewer children. Marriage is slowly becoming a preserve of the elite, who pay a price in severely reduced fertility.

Imsges: dating a passive beta male

dating a passive beta male

Hi Evan, This is a curiosity more than a dating advice question. It is opening yourself up to different possibilities.

dating a passive beta male

I prefer a guy who will definitely take the initiative. They receive second place in leadership roles, relationship successes, business achievements, and other endeavors. What is most upsetting is that most articles I read refer to beta males as nice guys, but nice guys is abbreviated as if betas are inherently morally apprehensive people and that alphas are the true, shining examples of virtue.

dating a passive beta male

Most women want a beta cuz they are more sensitive, attentive, affectionate, tuned in to cultural things like art, taking care of people, pleasing others and doing whats right. Working men feel it too. It seems people want to be alpha but every definition of mxle seems to define it as self-centeredness. Dating a passive beta male, skinny guys with glasses? He was a gym rat, pretty smart but VERY overconfident.