What It’s Like To Love A Combat Veteran
I started searching the effects of PTSD on a relationship a few weeks back and stumbled across this forum. Get out of the relationship before you have more to lose. PTSD puts a strain on the marriage and even effects the children involved. This is the greatest part of dating a vet that many women will never get to experience: Yes, I am a woman who has been through multiple traumas. I woukd like to offer you some advice on how my girlfriend has handled me and my issues.
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When we started talking, he was just taking some sleeping pills and only as needed I have, in most cases, learned to simply let go of my trivial insecurities. Keep an open mind it seems that yo a reasonable and supporting lady But as I read your account, I could see how I would have reacted, and i would have crawled into bed and stayed there until you went away. Jan 9,
He ignored me and our thenyear-old son. There would be days where the only time he spoke to me was to ask me to make food when he remembered to eat. He had frequent panic attacks, some severe enough to send him to the hospital. He lost chunks of time, hated and feared going outside, couldn't sleep. Finally I'd had enough. I knew something was wrong, but he wouldn't admit it.
That is a soldier's mentality. He'd been taught to suck it up and march on. He thought if he pushed hard enough, he could power through any problem. I made an appointment with a counseling service. He begged me not to make him go, not to make him face it.
I drove my panicked, shaking husband to meet with the therapist, ignoring his pleas, while holding back tears. Luckily, that proved to be the turning point. The diagnosis was of PTSD, complicated by bipolar disorder.
This led to panic anxiety, agoraphobia, hypervigilance, and major depression with suicidal tendencies. He began therapy, but life intervened again and again. We were two months behind on rent and had literally nothing. I called and appealed to the utilities and cable company not to shut off our service, and frequently asked friends and family for enough money to buy diapers for our son or gas for the car.
We were on Food Stamps and it was barely enough, as long as ramen played a big part in mealtime. Leaving that apartment to avoid another eviction, we went to live with family again while we waited for word on my husband's Social Security Disability. We moved into a house with drugs and domestic abuse, the landlord we owed money to appropriated half of our belongings, and we had to rely on family yet again to get out of a potentially dangerous situation. Unfortunately, this has been our lives for much of the seven years we've been together.
At one point my husband could not even speak to people on the phone, and my being gone for so much as an hour was often enough to trigger a panic attack. I was his only comfort, so with neither of us really able to work, the financial stress we were under was significant. At six months pregnant with our second child, I held him and talked to him for hours after he tried to commit suicide by alcohol.
The VA refused to pay for the ambulance ride and brief hospital stay. It has only been a year since that incident, but it is still fresh.
For four months we've been living in our first new apartment with modern amenities, in a nice neighborhood. Due to our financial situation, we were always relegated to living in unsafe and unsanitary and frankly illegal conditions. For someone who sees an enemy in even well-meaning people, the drug-addled peeping toms trying to see through our layers of blinds at two in the morning was not helpful. And this is the reality for some of our veterans returning from war.
My husband says, matter-of-factly and devoid of emotion, that were it not for myself and our children, he would have killed himself long ago. Transition from enlisted to civilian life is hard enough; finding a job, fitting in.
Soldiers and civilians may as well be from two different countries. Most veterans endure debilitating isolation during this time, and financial problems to boot.
The Army does everything for them, up to making sure their bills are paid -— and then, suddenly, they are the masters of their own destiny. Much like young men and women going from a parent's house to their first apartment, there is a certain amount of confusion.
You are not doing yourself or anyone else any favors by ignoring it. When most people think of PTSD, I think their mind goes to war veterans, but it is actually a more common struggle than you think. Maybe like me, you are one of these people and you understand the difficulties of navigating an invasive world that has little to no patience for people like us. The person you were before the traumatic event ceases to exist and you have to create a new self.
Especially when it comes to finding a romantic partner who loves and accepts you for who you are, trauma and all.
Here are some things I have learned on the road to recovery and love. While it is important to be upfront and you will need to tell the person eventually if you start seeing each other more seriously, it is ultimately your private business and it is up to you when you divulge that information.
Unless you have really severe symptoms, like a noticeable body tick, at least let them find out your favorite color or the name of your cat first. Turtle with a broken leg slow. Whirlwind romances are not for people with PTSD. You have been through a terrible ordeal.
Maybe even more than one. You are a strong survivor but you are also fragile. You have to be smart whom you give your heart to. A person can only take so much heartbreak in one lifetime. The more times your heart breaks the harder it gets to put it back together.
I know this from experience. Just take your time and get to know each other. Trust that gut of yours. Chances are your experiences have given you a new super intuition.
Imsges: dating a vet with ptsd
Yes, I am a woman who has been through multiple traumas. He is considered a disabled veteran. I haven't been with him long enough or seriously enough to know what all is involved with his PTSD.
Keep an open mind it seems that yo a reasonable and supporting lady Please don't take that as criticism.
This guy basically is telling me two stories that is a red flag right there! However, I am also a woman, who has a BA in English Literature from the University of Central Florida, a social media manager, a vintage collector, dating in houston area artist and craft enthusiast, a sister to three fantastic younger siblings, a mom to a rabbit and two crazy Chihuahuas, a loyal friend, candy connoisseur, avid tree climber, and so much more. So, I laid things out on the line We have made great strides since the early days of our romance. In his words, anyone could have been killed. He is a wonderful, fiercely intelligent man who adores his kids and, even amidst his dating a vet with ptsd despair, takes time dating a vet with ptsd make sure I'm okay. When we started talking, he was just taking some sleeping pills and only as needed
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