Ask a Guy: What Do Guys Really Think About Super Skinny Girls?
Healthy means the person has fitness integrated well into their lifestyle and they eat high-quality, healthy food. Get your lazy, unambitious, socially mal-adjusted ass off the couch and leave the house and socialize. Plenty of large people are greedy. Every body is built differently, not every body can whatever body you think they should have. That should be the take away. Again, great post, thanks.
Why I hate fat girls?
The world will be better without you, XD. She was really tiny and IMHO really sexy. However if they are aware its a booty call all good, if they arent it must be made clear. I know some like Blonde I would be a huge hit in India! She works in an IV room and the biggest lab coat she too small for her too button up. Sounds more like a case by case situation so stop blaming shit on one stereotype.
Do you have any posts that cater to women who are in relationships on this topic. I see all these columns about girls who are trying to get the guy to commit to a relationship.
Sure, but it depends on the question…. Communication is key but sometimes the message is missed. I reconnected with an old school friend on Facebook damn that Facebook sometimes — Haha. My friend told me from the start he was only interested in being physical and did not want anything emotional since he was just separated from his wife and headed for divorce. He pursued and pursued me and finally got me. I knew it was wrong to get involved but eventually my emotions won and of course I got attached.
I knew he was seeing other people too but I kept going. It was a hellish year for me to say the least. But in the end, I faced the truth. I had a lot of support from my friends and decided to take some anti-anxiety meds, which really helped to rationalize my thoughts. I knew the truth all along.
Being able to recognize the truth helped me immensley. I have a new sense of myself. Believe it or not but we are still friends.
He says he respects that and still makes comments here and there. Be patient and dig deep into yourself, the truth is in there. It takes courage to do the right thing sometimes.
I love this site, it has provided a lot of insight on men, which has helped me to better understand my friend. I want to do this with a guy, but stupid me fell for him.
I am doing no contact with him soooo hard , but eventually once I have gotten over my feelings for him, I want to be friends cuz he is amazing outside of the bedroom as he is inside the bedroom.
Time heals all wounds. And you look back and say…Whaaat? I thought THAT of him? Like was all everything to ME? Done it been there. Brings perspective and relief. Just try to keep the distance because you know…when you realize how NOT hot enough they are?
To be around you in that way? It just depends on the two of you. Every situation is different. I knew him in middle and high school so we have a friendship history.
The no contact rule was very difficult for me. Going cold turkey was not my answer, for some it might be, but not for me. I slowly cut back on how often I texted him. Not easy, took lots of time, and lots of tears. Like I said, every situation is different. This is tricky though and you can fool yourself. So dig deep and see if it can really work. My method can be used in reality, providing you have enough will power and self respect to exercise it.
Hi, I really like the way you put things. I am at this time meeting this guy and he also slowly backs off. I have that feeling of wanting to let go as I know it will hurt me but then also feels the pain as I know I really like him. Foolishness to like him when I know that if truly backs off and not even see the best in me then I should not be letting him enter in my life that much. It started to be sweet and I do not know why he suddenly backs off, I can remember he gave me a cuddle which feels good and I thought that was it but then he suddenly backs off the next time we saw each other.
He just sent me home and fixed some stuff in my house and left and was colder. I do not know what is wrong but it feels sad when he turn to be like that all of a sudden. I did not tell him of what I feel for him yet as I still do not have the courage as he is also my workmate and will also bump with him in a few times.
I started that back off mood and did not contact him too but he called me up and still it was not the same as the start. I cannot process what is this yet but i am afraid i will hurt myself if I keep hoping for him to really make it official. Well this is a first for me.
Been seeing this guy for about 3 months. He told me he had a friend in another country from the beginning. The friend knows nothing about me. Maybe I am stupid. I did not realize his definition of friend.
Tells me I am not seeing anyone else. Ask me could I love him forever. His friend get cancer and her mother is dying. Ok I am still breathing. In the beginning he called and texted me every day. Now it has been 2 day nothing. He did not answer my last text. I have made myself not text him.
We are usually together on the weekends as we live 50 miles apart. So what do I do if he calls?? I know I must must not call or text him. The truth is that her theory is based on an assumption that everyone is so sure about what they want when involved with someone. I totally respect that and hope that people could do this in life.
The theory does have its appealing effect, everything is so clear-cut and we know exactly where we stand with everyone and in life. But then again, we are human beings, we make mistakes, and emotions can get messy at times, even for a most level-headed guy or girl, we all have our moments, thats just how we are build when we are born to this life.
Sometimes we meed the right people when we are not emotionally ready, then sometimes we meet people who aint so emotional ready when we actually got things together and are ready. Things like that happen.. A really clearheaded and helpful perspective, stated concisely in plain English. Thanks for writing that — damn, you should have a column. Hi, Eric My problem is that the more distant I become He will be more far from me..
Thanks I love audrey hepburn! A life without affection at all sounds scary, right? If one takes a step backwards and views the situation a little more analytically, it becomes clearer. I guess I am just interested philosophically regarding this as I studied feminism at University, and have a keen interest in understanding men.
You would have more clarity and understanding from taking a step back and pretending it is a 3rd party with the same situation. Empowermenrt and respect for oneself is about learning which situations are healthy for the human heart and which ones hinder it. Brutal advice, written by a male co-author. Even the shyest of guys pursue what they want, so please stop making excuses when the interest lags or is non-existent to begin with….
There is a great book that came out when many of these readers were young. She refocuses women onto themselves and to stop blaming men for being jerks because we pick them etc. She points out how women expect their life to begin when a relationship starts but she tells them to start it now: I read that book so many times I broke the binding.
I think that overall it is only men who enjoy this casual sex thing. I think hardly any woman truly deep inside like it, i think it might be because men are more objective and see sex as a thing they are doing, however women may not mind this if its a one night stand, but as soon as the guy contacts again, the woman feels happy and flattered and thinks there may be more to it.
Sigh… i know that some happy fulfilled women may say they like it, but i think its very rare that they do, only a tiny proportion probably do. However if they are aware its a booty call all good, if they arent it must be made clear. But then again, i think some mens logic is that it must be obvious enough without them having to say it, as its not been discussed as anything more then a booty call.
I mean a booty call sholdnt start with taking the women out to dinner right? Then us women would know straight away what it is! Eric, i like you comment: Because after 2 times and spending time together feelings could develop.
No one is saying sex is bad, I believe. A few years ago, a smart, wise and usually stoic friend of mine a man who had been a horn dog in his youth actually choked up when talking about a woman he had hurt because he tried to keep the booty call going while sensing she would have liked more if he gave it to her.
I say do what makes you happy. Some people are greedy. Some people are inconsiderate. Some people are just… well… assholes. Some people are emotionally unstable. Some people are ignorant to their own emotions. Some people are immature. But people need to learn what makes them happy for themselves.
Take it elsewhere please. As a quick note: There is no one right answer or way to live your life. Like a box of sexual chocolates. I primarily want to help bring people from a place of despair to a place of clarity and control and show them a way where they can feel happy and fulfilled, then bring that into the relationship style of their choice. If they want to booty call around, do it up. They seem somehow meaner and colder inside and start behaving in ways that are not in touch with reality.
They shut down parts of their humanity. This is what I meant when I said that objectifiers suffer as much as the objects they use. They are tearing off their wings, their humanity, for the sake of an illusion. I recently have been contemplating this same senario in a relationship and I think the poet Rumi sums it up perfectly…. Would like to hear your thoughts. Sex, sex, sex…is that the end all or the be all? When two people are having sex without having made the strong emotional connection that lucky couples in healthy relationships have, it leaves them with a stronger sense of yearning for that missing element, than if they had of stayed celibate and unobstructed on their path to a more meaningful, true love.
I think the real problem is people trying to use sex or relationship to fill a void. True love is great. But there are a lot of great things that can come from having great sexual experiences too. Unfulfilled people eventually end up feeling further unfulfilled when they try filling the void with sex. Emotionally unstable people tend to become MUCH more unstable when they start having sex with someone. I am first stating that I agree with Eric. We see eye to eye on most things, when i started reading these coloumns it was mostly because a guy whom i had inteded to be a hook up almost played me.
I mean he barely missed, but he sure did confuse me there for a while, hence my point: Honesty is the rarest , hardest to find and most appreciated virtue that human beings often lack. We demand it from others, sometimes it so happens that we get it and end up hurt, dissapointed, frustrated, insulted and even outraged. My advice to that is treat yourself like a subject, for a moment be someone else and try to invision what they see when they see you.
Then go back inside yourself and find the things you know about yourself that no one outside you can see or know, unless you let them. Now the hardest part is be blunt and criticise yourself for a while as if you were someone else and just see how you feel.
Tell yourself you are needy, bad-tempered, greedy, immature and so on and imagine someone whose opinion you value is telling you these things and find out what hurts, what really hurts and those things that trigger pain are most likely to be true. Then find everything good and flattering about yourself and bring it to light, anything about you that makes you feel confident, optimistic and happy.
Most definitely never, ever lie to yourself. Now balance all you know about yourself and mold your image into who or how you want to be seen by everyone around you.
Knowing all you can know about yourself and choosing how little or how much you want everyone you interact with to see gives you a sense of power and stability. Trust me most people you will come in contact with will only be able to see what you show them.
I choose to let some people see just a little bit of me, others i want to see my best and some I even choose to show my worse. I have come to terms with the fact that only I will ever be able to know myself and also that I can never know anyone else completely. At this point in my life I am simply glad that I can tell when someone is not done figuring themselves out because it is a long process that never truly ends.
I thought that was true up untill a few years ago. After my relationship ended I was idle, celibate for a year. I took my time to figure myself out and heal or rather come to terms with the reality of what had happened and how I had dealt with it. Heart breaks sure are a mess and they hurt like hell, people tend to blame themselves their partner, all men or even the filthy cruel world we live in.
But when you realise that you had been in constant pain for years, before your heart was broken you see its not all you or all him neither it is all mens fault or the worlds its is simply the horrible choice I had made to live life in a broken way. When it all came crashing down for a moment there I thought, good. Its now or never, if there is a moment to reinvent myself and build up on this post nuclear holocaust its now. It took time and tears, even now as I am fulfilled and satisfied with my life bitter memories still bring tears to my eyes, even more so the happy ones.
That was my first and up untill now only love. I could not imagine sex outside of that love bubble. As time went by I had time to think about it and soon enough i realised they are completely separate things. Sex is an activity and in itself it has nothing to do with love or affection.
But having sex and having sex with someone you love or feel really close to are very different experiences. I can only say that sex in itself without any attachment has its very own charm, its easy and whats most important for me its honest. All of my hook ups are great guys that i enjoy seeing and I feel absolutely nothing for.
We have an amazing time, we say what we think, we know what we want. It all comes down to how well you know yourself and where you stans as well as what you want from the people around you. I m not saying go out there and start hooking up right this instant, but just dont think of sex as anything emotional or deep or meaningful for a moment but just a very pleasing human interaction.
That is what men see it like and that is why they are fine with it. If you can tell the difference between sex and emotional intimacy it will not only improve your sex life but it will strengthen your relationships if and when you choose to be in one. Hi Eric, there was a time in my life when I would have found this point of view difficult to understand.
I came from a strict upbringing and sex was only for marriage. Now I do understand it. I choose to stay for me, because I enjoy it. He also knows to allow me to express myself in a feminine way, I am kind, caring and loving. I do that because I enjoy being that way. I could sense it made him uncomfortable at first, perhaps he was wondering why I was like that, what did I want.
He has relaxed over time, and reciprocates, which makes us both feel good. When two adults are in this secure state, sex can be very good.
As one commenter said, nobody knows the future. Relationships end, many continue. Thanks Eric, I appreciate your column. Quite frankly, a simple discussion about what is going on is feared to kill the passion and momentum of what is going on and is hence avoided.
Yes, Eric, I do agree that people, both men and women are responsible for their own emotions. But in terms of emotional health it is also recommended to follow lifestyles that contribute towards a healthy state of mind, rather than than follow lifestyles that do not nurture our emotional state of mind or reinforce the positive concepts of our sense of self, which for a woman would no doubt include her worthiness of being able to sustain a healthy, committed, stable and secure relationship.
So, whilst I agree, people need to firstly have self-esteem, confidence and healthy emotions off their own bat, it also helps women to realise that unwittingingly involving herself and sleeping with men who are just after hookups can shake, and in worse cases, shatter even the healthiest self esteem.
By taking ownership away from the responsibility of the man to apply a conscience to a hookup scene is selfish at least, cruel and heartless at worst. I agree with this: They already feel out of control and emotional. They are not looking for someone to blame. They are looking for a way out of their emotional pain and overwhelm back to a place of clarity and calm. Where they have control over themselves. When I work with guys, I am glad to share the things that women wished they knew so that they can be excellent in relationship.
I should have prefaced everything with thanks for your honesty. Living in integrity with your own morals and values is tremendously important. However, different strokes for different folks. That type of woman refuses to take responsibility for her emotions and blames men or her relationships as being the problem. But the core problem is emotional maturity.
There is no end to all the external thing she can point her finger at. I write a column to try and help women have better relationships and my perspective ALWAYS hinges on taking personal responsibility and pursuing emotional maturity. Those things I do advocate and I have no problem taking a firm stand on that. So in taking that stance, I try to shine the light on consciousness on comments that have an air of external blaming or not taking responsibility for ones own actions and consequences.
Because in the end… the only way that a person can improve their situation is if they take responsibility and handle their emotions. I do believe in the empowerment and self-esteem of women. Sometimes a differing point of view is needed for perspective and opening up debate.
Most men and women yearn to meet their most suitable match and forge an intimate, emotional, physical and spiritual endurance with that person and learn to grow on every aspect making the experience an enriching melding of souls?
This is not just an old-fashioned concept, it is what MOST people want. It is unfortunate that this leads to emotional repression, but it does.
I arrived at a much better place in my romantic life when I realised that casual hookups were toxic to the psyche and actually blocked the pathway to finding true love. I learnt as of about 4 years ago, that that as soon as women learn to respect their bodies, their values, their hearts and their boundaries, it is when good men arrive at their doorsteps and into their hearts.
As soon I started drawing the boundaries around my body when engaged in the dating scene, the men with less than savoury motivations dropped off where they belonged, and the genuine men looking for relationships stepped in. It inspired me, because I dated so many gentlemen as a result. It was how I finally met the most amazing man of my dreams. Everybody else aspires to find a rewarding and fulfilling relationship. Gotcha… OK, that makes sense. We agree and I never negated that.
And enough with the manipulation vs. The dead horse has been beaten. Nobody is talking about that here. Can we wrap this up now? One of the greatest challenges people face in living a happy life is the failure to live authentically and honestly. As for your denial that the situation you describe is manipulative, look at your own words. That, my friend, is the very definition of using someone for your own gratification without regards to their feelings.
Nothing sweet about it. Is that good for you? No one is really getting used. It also shows complete selfishness on behalf of a man playing this manipulative game.
Think carefully before advocating sex outside of a relationship. One cannot help but feel disdain for men who only honours their own differences whilst not incorporating in the needs of the female psyche, which happen for the most part to be security, stability, committment and the feeling of being loved.
Where I look at this as a clarification of my points, you look at it as an argument. Where I look at this as trying to build understanding so that women can take the perspective and improve their relationships in their lives, you look at it as me advocating a course of action.
If you want to call it an argument… cool, you win. Hope you and anyone reading got something out of this. Look at what Eric says: Are you up for that? The example that I put in the post was me wanting things to be comfortable. I am being sincere when I say that I hope you can make peace with whatever happened, heal from it and adopt a positive mindset and take the walls down. I totally agree with this last comment. I really think that most men know inside that most single women want a relationship, i dont understand how they can think the girl actually likes the booty call stuff.
I totally dont mean all women want relationships, and there are some women that like the booty call thing, i dont want to seem narrow, but most want a relationship out of it. And you know what all of those sources typically tell men? A combination of marketing, fantasy and lies. Not really much different for women either. I mean, the Eric who writes the articles has to make a lot of considerations in how he presents it.
The real Eric has read thousands upon thousands of e-mails from men and women about their dating issues. I try to be sensitive to the fact that dating and relationships can be disappointing and frustrating, but ultimately I try my best to convey understanding of the opposite sex so that my readers can have a better relationship.
Prove me wrong — if you end up happy, then I am sincerely happy for you. I truly appreciate all your insights and I wish I had stumbled upon this a couple months ago. Thank you for sharing what goes through a guys mind.
I appreciate the honesty. Tell it like it is. Sure it may hurt a bit and it may not seem fair, but it is what it is. Accept it and move on. And over time, the situation needs an outcome of sorts, with ending it being the norm.
In my last post, I was in no way forcing my moral opinion on others, they are free to decide which is the way the wind blows for themselves. It is an unfair position to be pushing, when it is well known that most women crave a relationship and security. So yes, honesty and integrity is required for her to properly make up her mind about whether indulging in such a past-time is worth the trade off.
Brain chemicals in it of themselves are not destiny. I just wanted things to be comfortable and not go down a bad path. Authoring these things can be a tight-rope walk sometimes. And for the record, I work with guys too. At the end of the day, fair has nothing to do with it.
You are right on point brilliantly. Thank you so much…Jeez. Erik keep drumming it into our head here! I love myself more than him. It was so easy and freeing! You are not just educated but intuitively knowledgeable and hugely talented in this area of men and women and relationships, beyond anyone I ever read! I think we should leave the study of oxytocin O to the biochemists, biologists and medical researchers.
Oxytocin is produced during contractions during labor and birth and the release of milk in breastfeeding. All this talk about the surge of O during sex is a complete exaggeration imo , and that O is directly connected with emotions. It would mean that sex workers are super emotional because O is released while they are working.
I think there are greater chances of getting attached to a man are: That is why some players will go after your emotions first. Sex is just one component in knowing someone.
Less you know about him, less chances are you will get attached. The guy thinks she would never ever hook up with another guy because of how into him she seems. And some of these women were absolute geniuses at hiding their involvement with the other men. This I agree with. You have to communicate. There is no question that this kind of sweet spot relationship is based on deceit or some form of dishonesty.
No one is playing a victim card here. This is not out of the gate. OK — I think we mostly agree. But the majority are good. To the bigger point, this article in no way suggests or advocates that men are willfully deceiving, tricking or taking advantage of women. They hook up and everyone seems cool with it. They see each other once and a while and hook up. Nobody makes a big deal of it. If a guy knew he was hurting a girl or somehow stringing her along, the vast majority guys who not do that.
The truth of the matter is women and women operate from an entirely different biological and emotional imprint and needsmap. And any woman who claims to be different is lying to herself, first and foremost. Most women yearn to find a man who will respect and love them forever, while most men just want to have fun, so long as they can find a willing partner. Sexual liberation is perversely trapping women in destructive cycles of short-term and dispensible relationships, while intimacy is become something elusive, insubstantial, disappointing and surreal, more often than not leading to frustration, confusion, feelings of abandonment, anger, depression — even suicide.
Not to mention stds, unplanned pregnancies and a general sense of despair. Of course, the following of such a trendy institution has perks for a single man playing the field like yourself. But shows total disregard for the female psyche and emotional workings. I agree men and women are different psychologically and biologically. And yeah, sex is a risk. Every action has consequences and a woman should be realistic about how sex affects her. That would be like a guy writing that every guy loves sports.
I could not care less about sports. There are few things more boring to me than watching sports. But the majority of guys… they like sports. Some in their 20s, some in their 30s, some in their 40s.
Not every woman wants the same things for herself or relationship life. The grand majority of women want a relationship with a special person. And believe it or not, the majority of men do to I regularly survey thousands of women and men, so… I have the data. You are well-spoken but you have to be careful where your opinion and morality sneak it. People need to learn their lessons. To tie up my point: Look at the latest comment on this article.
Different strokes for different folks — not every woman NEEDS to yearn to be in a relationship with a guy biologically. You say guys just understand this?
This gets back to communication. Your comment underscores my point: And we were honest, not trying to twist something around. Yeah — I know. My point was that you need a little time to lay the groundwork first before you start talking about this sort of thing. Comes off as insecure if you start trying to define everything straight out the gate. If you want to believe that men out there want to lie to you and cheat you, the world will happily fulfill that prophecy for you.
And you will get your fill of it. You are just being emotional and taking things personally instead of rationally handling your dating situation. If you want to want to play the victim card, go for it. Are you good with that? We think one step at a time. Me being one of those guys. The relationship is what it is. When it comes to men, the answer is in his actions. Why in the world would a guy have a conversation and create a problem when there is none? No man is a mind reader.
Damn… I should sell that. The guy-speak decoder system. YES yes yes Joanne have I been there! You think you can do it.. You really end up feeling like a prostitute, seriously, no matter how hard you try not to. Never going there again!!! Better to be alone for sure. Sorry to be a downer!
S Ya, learned that lesson the hard way too. It blows rotten goats. I suppose eventually, time will heal. I want someone who loves me for my skills inside AND outside the bedroom.
Whether it is the girl or the guy. It definitely is hard. I think like with all relationships, time is needed to get to know one another, but men tend to get an inkling pretty early on as to a. Whether she is relationship material to him, and b. Whether he is in a space ready to take on a relationship, and if both a. How long to wait? Dependent on circumstances, religious beliefs etc. Otherwise, who needs it?? Seriously, a man will get away with what he can from a physical perspective, if women draw the line in the sand with their own value of themselves they are less likely to enter into.
The more women learn to respect their bodies and values, the more men will learn to catch up with those values. We are living in a society where sex is as easy to obtain as a cup of coffee, is it any given wonder that modern day men are all acting like committment-phobic cads when the ultimate conquest marker is offered before the race has even started?
Self-respect before sex, and you will find a quality man that is willing to follow suit. I agree with some of it, but disagree with some of this too. Waiting is not going to make a difference if the girl: But if she knows herself, trusts her feminine instincts and is confident that she and the guy are on the same page, then the amount of time when she chooses to sleep with him is a non-issue.
Now, I do agree that a woman should be garnering information and making sure she and he are on the same page. That would be a disastrous decision on her part. So what if sex is readily available to men. If a woman wants to have sex with a guy, she should feel good about wanting it and good about the whole experience. Always appreciate your thoughts though. Women have much more power than that if only they knew it. We are that powerful. This is why1 open, honest discussion is crucial to a relationship — and to life in general, for that matter.
At that point, they have had no honest discussions with each other about what each one is looking for in the relationship. He pulls away because she wants more; she feels used and he feels she pulled a bait and switch. Bad scene all the way around and it could have been avoid with open, honest talk. Most guys take things one step at a time. One step at a time. Women, especially women who have felt burned by a previous relationship, make the mistake of assuming that the guy had some kind of dastardly motive and greedy, evil intent.
Best to avoid that mindset altogether. This is my situation exactly!! I finally get it! I love your site it has it has been a great decoder for my relationships! He has expressed that he is starting a new career and is not in the head space to start a new relationship, but that I am exactly what he is looking for , I am perfect, his friends say he should marry me…Blah…Blah …Blah…I hear from him about every two weeks now…that he needs and wants to see me, he misses me, that we can make this better, that he chooses me and this is his answer to my relationship question but, there is never any follow through.
So my question to you is this, is he really struggling with letting me go or is he just feeding me enough hoping it will keep me around. And how likely is it that he will step up or am I wasting my time still thinking about him? I am in that now so I know… It is important to understand why someone feels the way they do.
If they were married for a long time and recently divorced you need to understand their need for independence. I think we can all relate to that need after divorce. In such cases you need to let them have the space to breath and live life. I have learned so much from this site and the emails received and I want to thank you for making the difference as I really did not understand until now. Just like it allllllllways happens. I like the guy, I do want to be in a relationship with him.
Oh boy this is getting long! You mentioned that these things take one or two turns: We do lots of things together and our conversations can last for hours about the most obscure things.
I was also there for him while his girlfriend was being a dick to him and he really values me for that. Is he testing me? Anyway, I guess what I want to know is, how should I play this out? So that it would work out in my favor, whatever the outcome may be. Whether we end up together, or not. The woman is another person with feelings etc and the sweet spot cant be maintained just because the guys wants it so, its sounds very selfish that guys do that.
Mean and selfish, be honest from the start!!! Sure — most guys DO care. The majority of people on this planet are caring and would not intentionally hurt someone else. Problem is… women tend to form different feelings than guys do for different reasons. I can have an easy, casual, sexual relationship without it getting complicated or having to deal with all the turmoil, hassles and annoyances of being in a relationship.
What was I thinking?!?! Ahh, the life cycle of a fling. In fact, the guy could argue that the girl was dishonest and selfish. Then, seemingly out of nowhere, she switches and starts wanting to change everything — he was happy with how it was before… in fact, he was in that type of relationship BECAUSE it was what he wanted.
And even then, they still might not get it. I am a busy woman and have no time for serious relationship. Keeping him hungry for more! Which is the fun part for me. My ex say he wants me back and were going to get back together but he needs time. Yes, Im very impatient because im a little scared he will change his mind.
I have backed off before and given him his space ,and it worked. When I say it worked ,I mean he shows a lot of interest in me. I dont know what to do. I love him, but when will this waiting game be over? I have noticed that some have a way of acting like they want one, just so they get the casual sex! A not-relationship os goos so long as the female knows its a NOT!
On the other hand, if a guy shows his attraction towards a girl and is generally kind and affectionate, that is NOT him saying he wants a relationship. Not necessarily immediately, but it will be clear. Leah, a very excellent point. As Eric has mentioned in another article, match his committment level. That way, she has a choice to get out and find somebody else. I am not really sure why guys would think stringing a girl along is a situation that should never come to some sort of repercussion.
This may sound funny for me to say as the relationship columnist, but…. So one of two things would happen: Someday I want a wife and kids, but not today…. Better to move on and not take it personally….
Plus… a not-relationship can be healthy and rewarding too. You only live once, after all. How long is too long to wait for someone to realize your the one? Because seriously after a while you feel like a fool even though you love that person!
Ashley makes a good point in that it IS a form of manipulation, giving the appearance of being willing to further the relationship only to try to pin a girl back to the position she was pulling out of.
But I think that Eric is correct in that this is the way the game is played, fair or not. So do you want to be pinned? Frankly, if you keep letting the guy play you like a yoyo, then nothing is going to change. Why would you give him that? And the ones that let you go? I see no concern for what the other party wants or how they feel. Sometimes you have to back your words with your actions as well.
Very good observation to bring up on this. Nicely put Eric, this is exactly what i wanted to know. Is it not the case for men? Sign up for our free newsletter and get a free chapter of our book,"He's Not That Complicated". The material on this site may not be reproduced, distributed, transmitted, cached or otherwise used, except as expressly permitted in writing by A New Mode, Inc. Other Must-See Related Posts: Does He Just Want Sex?
How Do You Find Love? When a Guy Doesn't Text Back Is He The One? How To Know For Sure Leave Your Comment Now LA If women would stop having sex with these guys none of this would be happening. Diana R Spot on right Eric. Telly I definitely needed this article today… but let me pick your brain a bit further if I may?
Emily I was seeing a man for 6 months when something like this started to happen. I have one too, but the rest of me is average sized. Weight is distributed differently for each woman. There are women which most by most standards people would consider to be fat — yet they have a flat midsection. Then you have slimmer women with little pot bellies. You can be slim or thicker but if I see too much cellulite or fat rolls-instant boner killer. Girls with some fat get more curvy.. GIRLS think that skinnier is better and they will get more attention being skinny..
Anyways just saying it once more GIRLS please stop starving yourself if you want to be more attractive dont be skinny….. Then there are minority preferences. Relax, be healthy, do what makes you happy, someone will love you just the way you are. Articles like this one irritates me. I have plenty of hips, boobs, and booty. She sees all these beautiful women on tv and in magazines that are skinny and beautiful and it sometimes makes her feel bad about herself.
I hate the way society has put a label on women. Always telling us that we have to enhance ourselves to be attractive to men. I say screw that. Most men are attracted to women with great personalities, intelligence, and the way they handle themselves. Being skinny or curvy is just the added bonus. My daughter will soon realize this as she gets older. I can only wish for every woman, regardless of their weight, to embrace themselves and love themselves for the beautiful goddess that they are.
I play soccer and am about lbs muscle. I personally am highly attracted to the super skinny. It is almost a fetish. I always have been as far back as I can remember.
I am also attracted to any woman with a good heart but all things being equal, I am more attracted to the skinny girl. My first love was a really skinny girl. She was 16 and I was She was really tiny and IMHO really sexy. I honestly cannot quantify why. Super skinny girls are ugly and anorexic to me! I wish guys never dated them at all!
To me, I see them as ugly,dumb, ditsy airheads! They should date women with abit of meat on themselves instead of women who are skinny, weedy with legs that are tree trunks!
The world will be better without you, XD. That comment is highly offensive. And to be honest it just shows a lot about your personality. Thats a disgusting thing to say, especially to the people who are naturally skinny! You should learn to love yourself dear, what you put out into the world is a reflection of yourself. Well this just disgusts me. Look what i wrote and please, then talk. When you hear me say I like meat on the bones I really mean it.
One of my favorite things in the world is tangling up with a proper sized woman. Most men like thin woman. And not even healthy. When I got really thin I was close to having an eating disorder. I would pick at food and exercise twice a day. I was fainting often. But I got so much attention from men. I use to comment how I barely eat. He wanted my number that day. Do men prefer skinny woman? Even if your anorexic.
Sorry but even average girls are considered fat. My boyfriend now often comments how he loves my rib cage. It protrudes out and he is fascinated by it. Thats probably because we live in a country where the average woman is substantially overweight. There are so few healthy weight people in America, that what people now think of as super thin, is probably just normal. No one has been hospitalized for being too thin in the United States for the last two years.
So good for men realizing what looks right, and YES it is healthy. The truth is that if you are overweight, you need to feel very hungry for a few weeks in order for your stomach to shrink. You are not starving your body, you just feel hungry. Do you even know what obesity is? To be obese, youu need at least a bmi of 30, that means at least lb. There are plenty of men who like fat women. However, choosier men like thin women. The studies show that 89 percent of men who have a college education find it important for their partner to be thin and good looking, while among men who have a highschool education or less only 12 percent needed their partner to be thin.
So basically if you want a guy that expectd a lot from himself, he will expect a lot from you, and usually they will expect you to be slender.
In comparison well educated wealthy men feel that a slender woman is vastly more important then one with money or a education of her own. How can that be a good thing? Much the way gay people are attracted to men, there are those of us born with attraction to big curvy woman. Many of those college educated men are in the closet, we all are at some point some never come out but just get it out of our system here and there by having sex with a bbw.
I go for the truly beautiful, long hair, usually blonde,, extra curvy, pear preferred, big butt. Problem is they get with me who is very active and begin shedding pounds which i agree is the best thing for them. Unfortunately some attraction goes with it.
And I would never not want someone to not be healthy. I wish I was born normal, i do there are a lot more options. Those are elusive, Think Jessica Simpson at her absolute biggest…perfect to me. I was lucky I found the perfect girl, and I see the guys with the thin wives sometimes sneaking a peek at her butt. That was me once. If you asked a guy if he preferred a size 2 or a size 10 female, I doubt he would really be able to tell you. As a kid I was insecure about having super small everything.
I am 35 now and look no different than I did at Tiny tots are hot, so are small bottoms, hips and waists. I love my body. It is bony, it is muscular, and it is very sensitive to the touch. People will like whatever they like regardless of what other people may say or what image the media puts out is the body ideal or is most attractive these things change and vary depending on the time period, country and sometimes ethnicity of the majority in an area and most importantly THE PERSON.
All these generalizations of what men or women find most attractive I believe is pointless and even if there is truth to it again these things vary sometimes drastically so depending on the above factors I already listed.
And while on the subject of body image and ideals and whatnot. I love skinny small women————— They are more sexy to me than plump girls I have always liked thin women—- I am not into big boobs and fat fannies.
Its nice to know that we work out and eat healthy for a reason! Its just so nice, especially in the summer to pull on your old jean cut offs, and a tank top, and know that guys are looking at your legs and appreciating, rather then needing some shapewear, and a push up bra to look half way decent. I love this article. You make excellent points about women being overly concerned with weight when they should be concerned with fat.
Many women with these numbers are quite chubby. I am, however, a size 4 with a body fat percentage in the teens because I lift weights. I still have a. I was once anorexic though. I was 25 pounds lighter than I am now, but my body fat was in the 20s and I felt miserable. I was doing some modeling at the time and bought into the idea that skinny was the only way to be attractive. Women who do this are miserable people.
Eventually men will want to date someone who actually wants to go to restaurants with them and enjoy eating food.
The author made a great point about ratios. You are, medically speaking, unhealthy and prone to getting heart disease, no matter how luscious your boobs are. If apple shaped has always been your body type, then you will be much healthier at a lighter weight. I have seen many women who are technically fat shout out loud about how curvy and sexy they are. This is a sad ignorance that will leave many women in poor health.
If you are a size 14 with a healthy waist-to-hip ratio and exercise regularly, you are attractively curvy and not as likely to develop common diseases related to obesity. Fat is not necessarily curvy.
Curvy is healthy and sexy regardless of size or weight. Fat is unhealthy and unattractive. Of course, the same goes for men. TRue, everyone has different body types. I tend to be cut and if I ever did what you do, I am sure my arms and legs would be muscular, which, no offense, I do not want. I like having definition, but I dread the idea of having muscular calves.
If there are any women reading this, the main take away should be what the writer said: But most importantly DONT internalize some bullcrap garbage view of how women should look generated by Hollywood and the modelling industry. Be a healthy, fit YOU. Each woman and man has a body type. Tall, short, slender, rounder. You may be short and slender. Tall and curvey, short and curvey. Me, I prefer curvy women. Most importantly, just be healthy and happy. Take good care of yourself.
Just not ALL the time! Guys should do the same thing. Exercise, stay fit, keep yourself limber and strong and eat right. Ignore the crap you see in Fashion magazines and Hollywood until they start reflecting what healthy human beings actually look like! Struggled with my weight all my life.
I still have no thigh gap really hurts me when some lads say that only skinny girls have thigh gaps. I swim competitively but I do eat a lot, like trust me a lot. But all im trying to say is that dont work for a thigh gap because it is not a judgement of weather you are fat or not.
Thigh gaps happen to people with small hips, and i wish i did, its impossible for me to wear flowy tops. So just embrace your body, and remember that your harsher on yourself than others are.
They can get away with big noses, lack of symmetry, and flatter chests. Statistically, all women put on some weight as they get older and so it may make sense from a male point of view to seek a mate who is already very thin so that in the event she puts on some weight, she will just fill out and become the ideal curvy.
My fiance is no chubby chaser and he is no skinny girl fan; he loves the healthy medium. Also, I really love to have a tiny waist. My waist is hovering around 30 inches now and am working on getting it down to 26, which is about the lowest possible for my skeletal frame and that is where I will have absolutely no rolls or a tummy.
I love the way thin women look in clothes and never worry about unflattering flesh popping out of some parts of their clothes and so why envy them? Why not just continue to strive to be like them? I want my soon to be husband to always feel like he has the greatest eye candy and to take me places with him pridefully. Women in America are making too many excuses for themselves and being slaves to their depression and eating habits.
The way your body looks also says something about where you are both physically and spiritually. Women do suffer from depression but it is essential to fight it and the best thing for a woman is to lay off comfort food and make sure she is drinking water and exercising. A thin woman is a rarity because she can overcome the temptation of impulsive behaviors that tend to plague larger women.
Better find happiness with yourself before you get there. At your height, pounds is quite thin. A low weight helps provide a safe and smooth pregnancy, but having strong muscles is crucial. She recently had a baby and stresses the importance of muscle mass in pregnant and post-pregnant bodies.
During that time you actually may need to eat more food to grow and maintain muscle. Skinny girls are getting rarer and rarer and I think that is why it seems like they are more in demand. Fat chicks, thick chicks, are everywhere. Skinny women are gorgeous and sexy. Skinny women arent all bones and skin. What I find disturbing is the fitspo movement.
I was given a drug test once after winning a race some years ago, because I ran faster than all the men. No one could believe I was that fast without some sort of drug being involved. You would look at me and call me anorexic. It is irritating how people like you just accuse others of being mentally sick because they have athletic genes.
I run once a week for 30 minutes, and recently I outran a woman who has been training 5 days a week for the past 2 years. She is all hips and breasts. I am all bone and muscle. I do not understand the obession with body types for women. Everyone is beautiful in their own way. Everyone is shaped different. In all media women are made to look like a specific shape and that is how all women should look like. Men like all types of different bodies. The putting women to shame because they do not look like a specific actress, pornstar, or anything else is stupid.
In fact most o the actresses and pornstars do not even look like that in reality most have had surgeries, way to much makeup, photoshopped, so people need to put a stop to this expectation. It is hurtful to all women and accept them for who they are. Not skinny to the point of bones showing. Not fat to the point of jiggling. Lean, small breasted, competent. I agree with almost everything read in this article but this — the author is a bit away for the truth — runway models are not healthy, almost all of them are anorexic and this is maybe the saddest thing about the fashion industry.
It was just trying to encourage being healthy. The truth is, men are human and like any human have different types! I know men like a women who takes care of herself. And unless there is some kind of condition or medication involved, you can really tell who takes care of themselves.
As a women I have been through times where I kind of let myself go… It is very unattractive to anyone including myself. I am not a huge lady, but am definitely out of shape. Why, because I most likely over eat, or eat the wrong foods. Sorry, I know it sounds super judgmental as no one really wants to be unhealthy. I can agree on the same thing- I eat like a pig. He had an allergic reaction and blamed on me and was going to dump me and even setup a dinner date he said. We finally talked, when he felt like it, and my heart literally hurt for 7 days.
What is your thought on this and advice. I love him and wish to spend my life with him. What is your thoughts on this and advice. What if she had a big booty rather than big breasts.
Can she still get away with being a little thick? I mean is the booty to waist ratio just as good as the breast to waist ratio? Magazines and TV will make you crazy obsessing over stuff like breast size and how big your butt is, but the truth is that different guys are attracted to different shapes, sizes, types, etc.
People drive themselves nuts aspiring to look like a certain body type, when really the best body goal to have is whatever healthy and fit looks like for you. The myth of attarctive slim-well toned women….. But if they ever hv asked their fathers.. Nothing can be done about it. Dont make the mistake that a person will settle for anyone in the end if he is not getting it now…thats the worst thought anyone can ever have…i am an average height, slim boy with average looks ….
I love women that are voluptuous, bulky with wide big hips…I am not attracted to slim women biologically. I love skinny ladies. Long arms and legs, gangly to use a lovely old word.
Flat chested with pointy hips and elbows. I have seen genuinely anorexic women in person and they look sick and quite disturbing. Of course this is just my opinion. The real answer is different men prefer different types of women. The only answer should be that men all have their different preferences.
This question is absolutely impossible to answer. Preferences are not a crime! Furthermore, it opens the door wide open for men and women alike to start glorifying one body-type while shaming another. Like being skinny is some sort of disease or something. My aunt is a prime example. Even I am naturally small. I have never gained past lbs ever and I will be 22 in a few months…I used to eat like a pig to gain weight because people made fun of me for something that was absolutely NATURAL.
And whoever said stop with the cardio and exercising and diets…. Eat clean, no matter your size, and exercise! Skinny, big boned, curvy whatever! No matter your size. Furthermore, please stop asking one man what men like! Men have vastly different preferences. I feel confident that my male associates like this because during guy talk I am not shy about they fact that I prefer a much skinnier girl.
Lara Flynn Boyle at her thinnest was perfectly proportioned to my eye. Even in the privacy of the locker room other guys are vehement about reject that. At the same time, however, I know some guys who have admitted getting of to serious Thinspo. So, there is a huge range. Thus I believe guys who say that America Ferrara fits with their ideal, even though that is beyond what I could imagine being anywhere near mine.
I love the blunt and honest article here Eric. The comments from others too! This is like a classroom dicussion without being in a classroom.
Thanks Eric for your powerful article! I am a naturally super skinny. People will say to me all the time that I need to eat so that I can gain some weight. These comments make me very angry, because I actually eat a lot. People need to learn that not all stereotypes are true. We all have other much more important things to worry about than what the perfect size is, there is no perfect size.
We all have different body shapes and the number on the scale can be healthy for someone and be overweight or underweight for someone else. We should worry about our health not the number on the scale. I said to a mate the other day, do you remember when women were thin.. Curvy is like a guy who has no job, and toned is like an ambitious male.
Personality is number 1 to a woman.. I thank you for your honesty, because your opinion seems to be shared by the majority of males. I agree that body proportions have alot to do with it, and know many girls who can carry more weight than me and still get plenty of positive feedback from men, but most women look better on the lower end of their healthy BMI unless very large boned.
It was really sad. She would look pretty small and be a size I hardly know any. I do know a lot of overweight people who have bad eating habits — they know what food is healthy and what is not and yet they chug gallons of sodas and sweetened beverages.
Women just need to understand the way men think a little more, and look at it from an evolutionary stand point. As an average skinny guy a cyclist, so very fit but little upper body muscle and even less body fat , I think most skinny women are unattractive. This bothers me about girls too! STOP with all the cardio! STOP with all the starvation!
Doing weight lifting or calisthenics does incredibly awesome thing for the female body! In fact, studies are starting to find that heavy running everyday is BAD for the body! I personally do boxing or kick boxing for my cardio, which is every other day. And another thing is eat whole foods. The closer the food is to its original state, the healthier it is and more calories it takes your body to process it. That means an apple is healthier and burns more calories for the body to digest than apple sauce.
Do a lot more weight lighting, light cardio, and eat more whole foods and your body WILL change. Weight is a number. Go for size and fitness level instead. Actually muscle does not burn that much more fat than fat does. If you are not naturally skinny you need to do some form of cardio every day, running brisk walking whatever. Olivia Wilde and Megan Fox and not super skinny, they are average. I prefer girls that are very thin. I used to be a little bit heavier and actually got hit on even more.
I am super skinny… always have been… managed to gain few kgs last year and even then I weighed 46 kgs only.. External appearance fades away, while inner beauty last forever. Some men simply prefer skinny women! And I perfectly understand that others prefer ones with more fat. Beauty is in proportions mostly, anyway. Stay strong, be kind and surround yourself with good people. Neither am I fat. I like how you answered this question.
I try my hardest, but its hard sometimes and this article makes me feel a little better about myself and your answer really was a great one to read. It was very well thought out. Ive been told by numerous men thet they prefer curvy girls as long as they are toned eg no canteen lady arms. I was so thin in high school and i looked like a lolly pop there was no shape unless seen in a bikini. I went to the gym to get help to put on weight in a healthy way and i feel much more like a woman.
Everyone has their own idea of what is attractive. I cant stand guys that go to the gym everyday with muscles pumping out in every direction. Such a turn off for me. I think men were much more attracted to me when I was thinner, even though I think I was way too thin in fact I drank ensure shakes to try and gain back then!
I look at pics of myself from back then now and I think I looked like a stick with boobs! Do you see them talking about how they need to gain or lose anything to get women.
Maybe back then you appeared more happy. Personally I understand what you are talking about and personally more weight would put myself off. I think a guy will also b attractive to how u see yourself if u c yourself as a confident lady and you seem happy with yourself then he wnt c many faults either guys like a confident woman. Be happy regardless as there will always b ppl with opinions and will try to put u down regardless of how much u weigh and what u look like.
Keep smiling and show every1 your happy with yourself like I said men love confidence! My bones never grew properly during puberty so I appear skinny. I have not been skinny in years. As a matter of fact, after my twins, I gained weight that I have not been able to get rid of.
I eat right and I exercise and do my very best to be healthy. I still have many men find me attractive and pursue me. I can laugh at my faults, know my quirks, and embrace the complex silly creature that I am. I laugh a lot and dont sweat the small stuff. You have really touched this subject excellently and honestly. I believe what you said about guys having different tastes because I asked some of my guy friends about it and they said there are different guys with different tastes, some like women who are skinny, some middle-sized women and some overweight women.
I am a volleyball player and I like to keep myself fit and healthy and guys approach me. If he wants a different body size then he go to bounce. Women can be nasty at times with overweight women, and with women that are fit. Your answer is spot on! I use to be inlove with a skinny girl I never want to tell her that she was too skinny cause I was afraid to hurt her feeling I cheated on her many times I would do the same if the woman was fat.
I think different men like different types of women. I am a naturally skinny women who always had no problem with men. I have always wanted to gain weight just because where I come from its ideal to be thicker.
Still trying to gain that pounds which we make me more happy but to me be happy with the way you are. Work towards healthy goals. Not all men want the same thing. Do you have any advice for women like me who are just naturally thin? I do actually have some advice for you and if you wish to contact me directly you may do so by emailing me at ItsMarg hotmail. The first thing you, or anyone, needs to address is why they are the weight they are. Also, how you personally absorb calories and different types of fats is important for you to find out.
Methods of finding things like this include visiting an endocronologist, nutritionalist, or even a well experienced personal trainer who specializes in thin people gaining weight vs loosing weight.
No two people have the same ideal diet. I am not in any way an expert, however I have mastered learning my own body, how my motabolism works, what products to use to retain high levels of protein, how many calories I need daily, how to get those calories to stick to me, which fats are good for me, which fats are bad for me, the core foods and amouts of such that I should eat daily and of course the types of exercizing I should be doing.
I have yet to reach my target weight of lbs but I went from being someone who despite eating all day and only weighing in at the mid 80s to currently being a solid, consistant 98lbs.
You just have to know your body and how it works. Shoot me an email and we can talk more about how I did it and what I learned about myself. Maybe that could help. I think that this was well written. If she has the desire to change her body because she wants to the change is more likely to stick. Women come in all shapes and sizes. I personally have never been super skinny. The heaviest I have been is So I have learned a lot about myself throught this journey of body image that has happened in we will say the past 10 years.
I have just now come to a place of acceptance of what I would like to be. Yes men may inspire me to get fit but ultimately I am doing it for me because I want to feel good about myself.
Does that mean he is not interested in me any more or is a temporary issue …. We are not communicating anymore since this issue happened. I think women have it too easy to not bother, or stay plump these days. Stores move the dress sizes up a click to accommodate the masses and make them feel better about themselves when they fit into a smaller size.
There are herds more plus size women about now than there used to be too, making it seem more acceptable to be a fatty. The strain on health services is overwhelming with obesity caused Illnesses. The only way this world will not end up eating itself is if there are laws brought in to limit the size a person can be. I have no love for greed, and thats all it is. A healthy weight is whats acceptable, not fat, not unhealthily thin.
You can never change that and it will never change, there will always be simple people. I have no time or respect for fat women, just stop it! You silly people, and the real skinny ill looking ones too, stop it you idiots!
Look normal, just normal is nice, nobody likes an extremist. YOU are an idiot for not considering the women who cannot help but look the way they do because of for example anorexia, thyroid, obesity etcetera. What is wrong with a few rolls? The government is actually doing ssomething right and are not putting a limit to clothe sizes because that is just ridiculous and frankly outrageous.
I feel like a skeletor! I am not trying to be thin, I am just stressed and have a hyperactive metabolism! Is this body-type repulsive to all men? Tara, your boyfriend is ridiculous. I am exactly the same height and weight as you, and I have found plenty of men who are attracted to me.
Also a high metabolism. You might want to reconsider who you are dating. No, you are not repulsive to all men. Some of us love love love skinny girls. I like a range of female body types but I definitely have a strong preference for thin. Tell him to go find a Kim Kardashian-type girl. Find a guy who likes skinny girls.
You sound so adorable. I find thin girls to be delicate, very feminine and extremely attractive. Love your skinny body!! There are lots of us men who are extremely attracted to skinny girls. Do pec flyes or bench press to build you bust and hip thrusts to make your butt bigger. Twice a week only. You can probably find it on Amazon. Eric, not bad…i appreciate how you touched on all points and also reiterated fitness health with a particular emphasis on fat loss vs.
Who cares what men like or think? Seriously I am more concerned about trying to find one I like romantically so I can date him. Most guys will bang anything, skinny or fat. Women are the ones who should be picky. Eric Charles, get off your soapbox with this crap. It sends the wrong message. Actually I think expecting women to cook and clean after a guy does significantly less for sexual equality. Having an opinion on what is healthy for a woman is not sexist simply because it comes from a guy.
This post is a bit old now and probably closed but Im gonna go ahead and contribute anyway. I have to say I think this is not true. That western men like women who are lbs heavier than most women would think or that men like fit, curvy women. I know from my own experience of being several different weights that men like very slim women the best. Certainly Australian men do. I get plenty of male attention but NOTHING compared to what it was like when I was super slim, and I mean model slim not anorexic, but still much leaner that I could normally carry off, even with exercise.
I was quite shocked. I was at this weight due to being depressed and didnt like my body that skinny. I have never been so ogled, yelled at from cars, approached in bars and stared at, called stunning as much as then. Even my husband liked it better. Western men who say they dont like very slim Im not talking anorexic but model thin women are just lying.
Men are conditioned through the current culture to like women who look like models, and that means very slim. We are all lemmings in one way or another and cultural conditioning is a powerful force. Do you even know how easy it would be to maintain that body fat at that weight at your height? Extremely easy, do you want to know why? Because you had no muscle, in fact you could have almost just as easily lowered your body fat by gaining just a little more muscle.
Those stats you gave put you at a FFMI of You would have got just as much attention, perhaps even more had you been a fat whale because just as many guys are chubby chasers who have a fat fetish.
You were not ideal so stop being delusional. You have to move on. Be rational, logical and practical. If he were to take you back, it would be for the wrong reasons and he would just end up more than likely hurting you again. Good God, I hope you mean 45 kg. There is a noticeable difference. Large and flabby thighs are a huge turn off for me, as is cellulite.
I almost totally agree with you man. They just need to be fit and lean. I tried many different approaches but it kept creeping up. I had become barrel-chested and yet legs remained the same. I was personally uncomfortable with my appearance, but I look younger than my years and knew I was trying. I do prepare fresh, healthy food. In the meantime, my sex life completely dried up with my husband. As crushing as this was which I now know was for completely different reasons , I managed to get down to a size 10 and felt pretty good, more confident.
I then had my gallbladder removed and lost another two sizes- 6. It crept back up when new diet stabilized- size 8. At this point, my confidence was nil and it had nothing to do with my weight. This weight loss was gradual over a 4-year period. Exercise was sporadic and mostly included brisk walks with the dogs.
The constant criticism and lack of intimacy took its toll and after I caught him with another woman, we separated two years ago. Within 2 months of separation, I had lost another 20 lbs. It was just a smokescreen. I am currently a size 2 for past two years and weigh less than I did when I was in high school at age Clothes are more fun perhaps but what an emotional toll.
And the rapid weight loss has caused my skin to sag in various places, aging me. But I allowed another person to dictate and modify my self-image and lost my confidence and curves in the process.
All I can say is: Men love her body and attitude! Wow, this is great, if this is truly how men think then I am happy, very very happy, it is about time woman realize that a little fat is good, I have never been on a diet, but I must say I worried at one stage if my body was not a problem , my husband had a good looking young little girl as a lover, now after this, I will be dressing up more in the dresses and shorts I like , after all who at the age of 42 is perfect and 2 children later is not funny either, anyway thank you for this artical, it is what woman need, well done!
Always did think that skinny is cute.. But after a while I learnt that a good persona goes a long way.. And it also helps a lot if u love yourself. So good wrk love.. Is healthy to be weighty.. Both physically and emotionally. This is my first visit to your blog! We are a group of volunteers and starting a new project in a community in the same niche. Your blog provided us useful information to work on. You have done a wonderful job!
Women of a wide range of shapes and sizes can be considered attractive, and everyone has different tastes. It sickens me and I wish that people would stop wasting so much energy on something so irrelevant. I am 18 years old and am friends with a lot of girls who I have observed over the years. One thing I always see is that they spend a great majority of their time looking at pictures of women they perceive as hot and then either wishing that they looked like them, or finding their faults.
None are happy with the way that they look, even though most are gorgeous themselves and have many guys who are attracted to them. Why is everyone so obsessed with numbers?
We should not be looking at superficial things like that. Just please, try to love yourself the way you are because nobody likes a moody, depressed woman being happy and smiling is an attractive trait! If you are overweight or obese, then stop looking for someone to tell you that you are not. You have to accept it and try to change for the better.
Make sure you get a chance to live the full life that you deserve. So kudos to you, Eric Charles, for pointing it all out, and I hope your words have made a different to many people, because everything you said is true!
A pound of muscle and a pound of fat both still weigh a pound. Same as a pound of lead and a pound of feathers. A pound is a pound. Muscle is more dense than fat. If you filled a cup with muscle and you filled a cup with fat, the muscle would weigh more….
Yes, a pound of feathers weighs the same as a pound of lead. But the volume is quite different. I figured it was obvious that I was talking in terms of volume and density. I agree that most men like fit women who are proportionate. AMD also tried to keep in shape by swimming and aerobics. I never could lose enough weight to not be considered fat and I should have been as skinny as a rail. And, I get plenty of attention from men due to my confident, upbeat, honest attitude.
He tells me that my body is just a shell and my real beauty is on the inside and oh shines through, making me extremely attractive. Do I wish to stay obese? But, when I am able I will exercise and lose weight for ME. I have skinny, pretty friends that want to know my secret. I tell them there is no secret. Love yourself, be confident and most important, love men!
Thank you for posting this. Again, great post, thanks. I am about 10 lbs overweight, I think, but he keeps telling me how much he loves my body.
I thank you for being so genuine. Generally people stay within their body type. Fit thin men are with fit thin women and heavier guys are with heavier women. Average is one thing, fat is another. Women naturally store body fat, but in todays environment it can be very easy to eat unhealthy and be immobile. Perhaps i am side tracking just a little but i think the problem is about LOVE and our focus on image as real and as the most important thing.
And attraction in love has nothing to do with what shape your body is. I think in media and socially, we get used to affirming things to each other that arent at all important or helpful. We nod our heads and go yeah yeah just because that is what we feel we are meant to like and say.
Say it enough to each other, see it enough and you start to absorb it and believe it. Go to the supermarket, take a look at the loving couples — all shapes and sizes and obviously loved! A male friend told me when i was a teen, that the most sexy girl he had ever been with didnt have a conventionally shaped body, but because she loved her look and was confident, he loved being with her the most of any girl he had been with.
Thanx for stimulating our thoughts on the subject …. I mean in nature and evolutionary stance men are programmed to prefer women with higher body mass, fuller hips, plumpy thighs and water balloon boobs as a sign of reproductive maturity or whatever … and naturally men do seem to go for them way more. Eric you know how to make any girl feel good about theirselves! I recently ran into this and I was amazed by your thoughts and the time you put into posting this response.
Im quite self-concious myself. Im generally healthy and fit but I work a whole lot I really just feel so insecure around other females. Your article really helped me come to terms with my body though. My boyfriend likes my shape and said that if I had bigger boobs, it would look weird for my frame. I thought he was just saying that to make me feel better, but your comment about ratios is starting to make me realize that maybe my boyfriend is right.
I completely agree with everything in this article. I feel better if I take care of myself. And to be frank, I do it for myself. I want to be healthy. I want to live a long life. I may not appeal to everyone and that has taken some accepting over the years but I appeal to myself.
I think ultimately, we need to love who we are for our own sakes, not just for others. So I am naturally skinny and tiny height. And concerned with my inspirations: I liked Lindsay Lohan as she was in Mean Girls… perfect. Avril Lavigne never did all that much for me, but she probably has a good body. My ideal girl would look like the hot secretary chick from 30 Rock.
That is a devastatingly hot girl… man…. The fat obsession is not based on anything men think or say. We honestly do not care, as long as you do something worthwhile with your time, like using your brain to conclude that your diet and exercise efforts are futile and you should find a real hobby so that your personality has more depth than a few inches of diet and exercise regime.
In fact, its selfish for women to sit around and diet and exercise and emaciate themselves for some illusion that all this futile exercise and dieting will make them more attractive to the men in their lives. Learn to shoot guns, find out what philosophy you subscribe to, study something that has consequence in your life, and get some exercise.
Imsges: dating obese guy
As a man…what are your thoughts? Why put so much effort into hating an entire group of people? I like curvy women, not fat, but hourglass women that care about diets etc but they are more healthy than the super skinny, always watch calories women and also the curvy hourglass type women tend to have much better attitudes when it comes to dating.
We finally talked, when he felt like it, and my heart literally hurt for 7 days. This is my situation exactly!!
Perhaps i am dating obese guy tracking just a little but i think the problem is about LOVE and our focus on image as real and as the most important thing. You were not ideal so stop being delusional. And there would be wide variation in which healthy body datign find most attractive. Dating obese guy anxieties made me appear needy and pushed him to break up with me. Sex Bomb Tube
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