Most products are sold in 50 and mg capsules. But when the physical abuse was on pause and it was purely psychological abuse, I felt more confused, more hopeless, more desperate. In an escalating cycle, depressed people, who desperately want reassurance from others, start to make an increasing number of requests for reassurance, and the other people to whom those requests are made start to negatively evaluate, avoid, and reject the depressed people or become depressed themselves.. We both were complacent, really. I just started giving my son a morning dose of mg slow release 5-HTP from Natrol before he goes to school and hoping it makes a difference as he seems to respond best to this I have tried numerous supplements and amino acids over the past year. The three most common treatments for depression are psychotherapy, medication, and electroconvulsive therapy.
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An affair is the result of a marriage breakdown and not the cause. She has also tried everything to seperate us and isolate him from his family and friends. Those people experiencing repeated episodes of depression require ongoing treatment in order to prevent more severe, long-term depression. We agree we are both in abusive relationships. I mean I get it, coming up on 25 years together, the same person, add in kids, bills, house, bills, car, bills, job, or jobs, bills, hobbies, social obligations, holiday craziness, the distance grows right before your eyes, and yet you never noticed, it builds slowly one day at a time, and the transition is seamless and comfortable. This page was last edited on 10 March , at So right now my meditation practise consists of 45 min formal practise loving kindness everyday AND being mindful all the time in everyday life noting thoughts and feelings etc.
Infidelity is often forgiven when there is sincere remorse and desire to work on marriage. It can be a wake up call that leads to much better relationship with your spouse. My current relationship began 4 years ago as an affair. We were attracted to each other instantly even though we were with our spouses at the time. We controlled the attraction for months, but ended up giving in. I was in a 28 year long bad marriage, waiting for my son to graduate and move back to the US for college.
He claimed his so called 7 year marriage was loveless and she was simply a good friend and partner that often stated that she loved her pets much more than she did him. After 1 year of our meeting up most every day for hours at our own apartment, my spouse left.
Once our son graduated I was presented with divorce papers and all was simple. Shortly after this, he convinced his spouse to return to the States, so we could be together. They were not legally married, so no divorce necessary.
She made arrangements and left 3 years ago without much ado. He moved in with me on the same day. He does pay all the bills for us. He was concerned about the devastating effects of this dog dying so he waited to tell her that he was moving on and had a girlfriend me.
I insisted he tell her because I heard through a mutual friend that she wanted to come back and visit him. So a year later 3 years into our relationship he broke the news. It seemed to go over smoothly, but they still keep in touch monthly through email.
My biggest concern is that we work in REal Estate together and pool our commissions into a joint account. We are in our 4th year together and have planned on marrying.
Last night, in a drunken stupor he said that once we make a big deal, he would like to send her more money. I think that is a deal breaker. We barely make ends meet. I need advice here people!!!!! I have been married since We have stayed apart for the last 3 years. We got divorced 1 year back, having a 6 year daughter. I am 31 now. It seems all through my young age I was struggling to build good understanding and trying to be make a happy family.
In fact I have given max support to my husband in every way as a wife. I Compromised, changed myself completely, gave up my career thinking he was worth it because I loved him.
But I have gotten nothing but a broken heart. I spent all of my days alone while he was always away from home. At last I was forced to quit thinking that at least I can come out of this pain and give my little girl happiness.
Staying alone never seemed to be difficult for me because I was clear about what to do with my career and future. This is where I was wrong. Life will never give us what we look for. It makes us choose. Which path do we choose, good or bad? Four months ago every thing changed. I knew the man for years.. Suddenly he started admiring me. I believed his love. In fact, he loves, has very deep feelings for me.. We both are very honest with each other. We are connected emotionally..
We feel that we are soulmates. He cares about my little girl also. He is married with 2 kids. He is being very honest and says that he do loves his wife and kids. He takes care of his family very well. But one question always arise in my mind; if he is really a happy man with his family why has he entered into my life? I do know very well that this relationship is giving me pain and happiness. I trust him a lot; the way he loves me and takes care of me but, he he has his family.
I feel guilty when I think that I am the other woman in his life. As the days passed I started thinking more about him. Whenever I am, in the office, home or out, I am just not able to stop my feelings for him I have already had enough pain in my married life. Now this relationship is giving me happiness and pain. When I shared this with him he said that this pain will be for my life time, but he tries to keep me happy as much as possible.
I have been hating myself now for days. I cannot spend my entire life in this dark affair. I am in confusion. I am not able to judge my position or feelings. No one intentionally gets into these affairs! We will never realize it until we are hurt. After a 20 year marriage my wife had an affair with a married man who has two infant children ; we have three teenagers. The history was sort of like a B movie. My gut instinct told me she was cheating, I asked, she denied, I hired a PI, who then caught filmed her meeting up in parking lots in shady places.
However, what one should expect, or demand really, is fair disclosure ahead of the secondary relationship crossing the line into romantic love. At minimum, one owes this to your primary spouse, and even more so, themselves. The truth hurts once, but lies last forever or much longer. Had my wife now ex-wife been honest up front, it would have been much better for her. She, like many cheaters, projected her guilt onto to me, and her youngest child, as she began and pursued her affair.
This is where that led her. It is a work related affair at a public school. Both are at risk of losing their jobs she for sure if this comes out. They are still relegated to parking lots, in off hours, as they maintain secrecy. When I take away my emotion, and look at her decision process, it would have been so much easier had she come clean up front, told me she has fallen in love with someone else, get a divorce and then would proceed with the other person ideally after he did the same.
Once again, it would have still hurt and very much so, however so much drama could have been avoided. Instead, she went with the nefarious affair path, wreaked havoc on both families, and received a scholarship to infamy. If you are about to cross the line into affair land, stop, think about the most dignified exit strategy, which will lead you to truthful disclosure, to your existing spouse and family.
Yes, it might cause you a little lot more pain up front, but it will be less than what you get on the back end. She blindsided me, but then played me for a fool, and in doing so reaped, terrible reward. A much shorter version could be: Move ahead with the second relationship, only after clearly ending the first.
My dad recently revealed that he is having an affair with a woman who happens to live in the house that we rent she is our tenant — he is her landlord. This is the second time he has gone to back to her. It started that he would be out late drinking at the pub, sometimes until three and four in the morning. At first he tried to blame it on me and my brother, saying that we do nothing when we actually do quite a lot.
When me and my mum asked him if he was having an affair he blatantly said NO! I have Aspergers, my mum has MS and his mother has dementia: He said the reason that he has left is that WE are NOT fun anymore and that we are boring, and that HER and HER family are actually fun and laugh at his jokes which we have heard a thousand times, yawn.
He has said that the whole family are scumbags. I know for a fact some of their friends and families smoke weed and do drugs. So why go back to her and them, then? But he is still quite happy to come back and do the house maintenance. How do you think it will end? My husband left and married the OW, who left her husband. After several years it still hurts.
Our son wants his daddy home—and so do I! Yet he married her anyway, how bizarre is that? His family does NOT approve of his monumentally stupid choice. Well…I believe he and I will reconcile, though it may take a while.
But I am not sitting at home feeling sorry for myself. My son knows that his father is living in sin…but he still loves his dad, and I encourage that. And no, I would NOT be stupid to take my husband back.
And I still love my husband very much. Divorce him, concentrate on yourself, and move on. I have been married for 3. I was his everything. We laughed together, we travelled, we were supportive of each other, we were two peas in a pot. Eventually we separated in October when he left the house and told me he was going to live with his grandmother for a month to think things through. He assured me that he still loved me and that he would visit me every day and hang out with me. You want to know how I found out??
He never had the guts to tell me face to face. I see pictures of them hugging and kissing and it kills me! I am so heartbroken and destroyed. I feel lonely, confused, betrayed, angry, sad, abandoned…. I cannot believe he did what he did. What the hell is that?? We still talk here and there but he seems not himself anymore. He left this marriage impulsively and he has mental issues. Like many of you, I read and read and read stories on here trying to link my situation with other and I did.
I like the first sentence that has stated in that things change, seasons change and people change. In the beginning I prayed on a dirty bathroom floor at my job, snot, tears, messy hair for 30min asking God to take me away from the temptation before my situation happened. I know we have choices and that was mine. I eventually had a daughter after a few years of marriage but instantly since she was born became the single parent. The intimacy was lacking, no connection and so forth.
One thing that I do in life is I journal — I deeply believe in it, as you are in another time in your life, feeling a certain way in your truth at that particular time.
I have several journals and decided to write in them over the course of my marriage as well as my teens and 20s…recently I looked back on them and was flabbergasted by how unhappy I was and how I longed for certain things in my marriage that were not being fulfilled mainly support with our child. I kept justifying my situation to make me feel somewhat better never truly living my authentic self.
I even helped raised his 2 other children by 2 different women. I am now moving out of my home and we will have joint custody of our young daughter. So for ANYONE to come on here bible bashing or bashing in general seems to be obvious that they are not happy within themselves let alone someone else. Things change, seasons change, people change…. I was caught off guard to a degree finding out my ex-wife wanted a divorce, I was even more bewildered when I found out she was sleeping with and moving in with another man.
Hindsight, I should have seen the signs. Me working nights, she working days, two kids in diapers, complete bedlam and little time for intimacy. It is strange how real life stress can disintegrate any bond you thought you had with a partner that should have only lasted three to six months…. When everything first unfolded I was enraged and deeply depressed at the same time. Enter the rub, we are having are last date tomorrow and going out to dinner and seeing a show, knowing that this very well could be are last night out together.
With all the sham, drudgery, and broken dreams the world can still be a beautiful place. We had been married for 5 years when he left me.
He said he just wanted to focus on his career and not worry about a wife. Few weeks after out divorce was finalized, he married a woman he knew through work in a country where he travelled for work about twice a month.
They now live here together and she has taken my place in his and his families life. It was like after 10 years together I just ceased to exist. Luckily I have moved on because I feel that anyone who can be that deceitful is not worthy of ever being trusted again.
There are hard days but I love myself enough to just let it go. One thing that does often cross my mind though, is that the only reason I am able to live a peaceful existence is because my conscious is free from guilt. So what are the odds this new marriage of his will last? I know I was a great wife and he left for his own emotionally disturbed reasons.
How can this second marriage not be doomed from the beginning is beyond me. I am older, the female, and have been in a marriage for 19 years, for security. I felt he was and has been more like a father, but very emotional mentally abusive. He noticed me some, but not enough. I believe everything happens for a reason. Recently, I connected with him and several of us went out. Neither of us expected it, but it was magic. I am and have been in love with him all of these years.
His marriage has been one of convenience. We live in different states and he never cheated. I know he feels the same. I am married out of convenience and I have a male friend for years. Since I was young I have been head over heels, but our paths were separated. In the last five years they have crossed and in the past few months it has become more. Both of our children are grown and gone.
We are middle aged and have told each other we love each other. I am in a place to leave. He could and says he wants to, but I think he is scared. His marriage is out of convenience. We agree we are both in abusive relationships. I am in total love, always have been. I want the whole package but there is nothing i can do if he is comfortable the way he living and getting the both of best worlds.
This just started; it has only been a few months and we are fairly far apart geographically. Any critics I know them for years. I completely agree with you, My mom was devastated. She had loved my husband as her own son and it totally broke her heart. His mom was hurt by his actions as well. We lost our home that we worked so hard for. I have since moved on and remarried and am very happy.
I honestly cannot tell you how he feels about his situation. I, too, have the same opinion of cheaters. Some people stumble and take down everyone with them. There can be a ripple effect that involve children, extended family, financial stability, housing, etc.
People who have affairs are lacking in the moral department. I have made the choice to have a better life without a cheater in it. I feel sorry for you, though. I made a mistake but know that God is unchanged in his love for me, even when I stumble. There is hope for you as well. Very well said, I wish I could print that up and send it to my ex. I left my wife and two children 8 years ago, for the girl I was having an affair with.
It was one of the worst decisions I ever made in my life. I have felt nothing but guilt and grief for the past few years, not really playing a big role in the upbringing of my two boys.
This is what had destroyed my life the most. And the constant bickering between my ex wife and partner I had the affair with, pretty much did me in. This time I can never have back. If your marriage is in crisis, or you are having an affair, I totally understand it, but take some time to think about your kids and make sure there emotional well being is also taken into consideration.
And, yes a relationship that began in deceit, can really never have the trust needed. Then the resentment you had for your marriage, you were so unhappy with, gets transfered over to the partner you had the very affair that ended it, ruining that.
We are all just trying to find our way in life, there is no hand book tailored specially for you, so you make the decision that is right at the time.
Hindsight, is one of the most horrible words in the English language, because there is no time machine to go back, and correct where things went wrong, that you know so many years later. This is what I needed all along, not anti depressants or pain killers. You brought it on yourselves knowing full well what you were doing. Not just for the wife,but kids,families, ….
You destroy trust, family structure, the list is endless. Go cry to someone who gives a damn. You have done enough damage already. And yes I am calling you a cheater and a home wrecker as well as the louse you cheated with. You reap what you sow and this is just the tip of the iceberg. I am a recent widow of 2. I was married for 34 years to a terrific man and had a beautiful daughter. Before meeting my husband I was in a loving relationship with a wonderful loving young man, but unfortunately we drifted apart when I went to college and he took a job with another company out of state.
This young man and I have always been in love with one another and had some contact early on in my marriage as friends, but clearly we still cared for each other. Time passed till 35 years later and out of the blue this young man from so many years ago contacts me to see how I was. Oddly it was on the two year anniversary of my husbands death. We spoke on the phone and honestly felt as though it was that young couple in love from so many years ago.
We met for lunch to catch up and he told me he was married. My heart sank as I knew this was not something I wanted to be involved in. The connection was so electric and I was so vulnerable still that just having someone to talk to and share my sadness with was incredibly satisfying. We met again for another lunch and it began. The physical attraction that is. Now I know this was wrong, but there I was kissing a married man.
He revealed to me that he has never stopped loving me for 35 years. My heart skipped a beat. I felt the same way he did. Did I mention he has two grown daughters?
But his actions began to show me that he really was thinking of me for so many years. As a woman I would never want this to happen to me. But there is no doubt…we are so in love with each other that its heart wrenching. On the other hand he and his wife have been in a sexless marriage for 8 years now.
Yet we feel like Also 4 years ago he was in a seriously bad situation as he was stricken with cancer. He survived and vowed to reconnect with me if he ever survived.
So finally…after so many years we have found joy…in our ripe old age. But just want you all to know that this story is something out of a movie or novel. However…its also tormenting because how can something that feels so incredibly right be so wrong?
But this blog made me realize I am not alone. But please, do the right thing, end one relationship before starting another. There is no justifying cheating. It also sounds like you could use some quality time for yourself and your kids if you are in a position to do so. Do you have family that you can go to? It turns out I have none. Her family is starting to at least ask her questions, and communicate a little. I feel better for that. I wanted this to be as easy on her kids as possible. As to your question why do fools fall in love?
Because they are just that, fools. I was any way. And , if you are in the midst of your own nightmare, be strong, take each day one a at a time. The past 3 days I have read every comment and learned a lot. Why do fools fall in love? He has a new job that takes him away from our home and was only around on weekends. That is where I found pictures of her. I felt like I was stabbed. When I asked why did he string me along and make me think we had a life together, when we clearly did not, he replied that it was complicated.
Which I assumed meant they were biding their time until they could be together? She is married too with three children. We do not have any together.
It would seem they are very much in love and could tell each other everything including how unhappy they were in their marriages. I wish someone would have told me. He never even gave me a chance. Any way, to make a long story short we wondered if we could be friends since we agreed that it had once been pretty solid. I asked what about me? I have been doing this alone.
I know how terrible sometimes family can be and just felt genuinely bad for her. I told him that I wanted to invite her here to my home and help me clean and pack. Took me a while to convince him, took even longer to convince her. She finally made it there and was greeted by me at the door with a big hug. I told them not to confuse this with me forgiving them, I have not. There is much more, but the end result was I gave them both my love and support and wished them happiness.
I gave her my phone number and said she could call or text if she needed to. For those who are thinking I am just desperate and hanging on, let me assure you, I am far from it. I have let him go already, and it has been the hardest thing I have ever done.
I am trying to pick up the pieces and move on. Sadly for me, what friends and some of his family members who had originally opened up their hearts to me have closed the doors and have stopped speaking to me. I suspect because of how I chose to deal with this.
This was a much clearer path for my healing to begin, despite the difficulties. Can anyone offer any advice on my what seems to be huge loss of everyone around me? I really appreciate some of the heart felt, open posts on this forum. You remind me of what it means to be human.
The religious dogma has its place- on a forum for fanatics. If a person, such as a scientist, does not believe in a make believe jugge in the sky, these moral brow beating posts fall on deaf ears.
Marriage is also a social construct that defies who we really are as free spiritual and physical beings with real human emotions and desires. Beating a Bible from some sort of moral pulpit is not any sort of response. I just broke up with my fiancee a couple weeks ago. I am a lot older than him. I am 38 and he is When we fist got together we hit it off right away.
I thought fate brought us together because I moved out of state to be with someone else. The relationship only lasted a year and I was back out in the dating pool a few months later.
I met my fiancee on a dating site. We had a fairytale relationship for the first 20 months. There was nothing I could do wrong in his eyes. My annoying quirks he would find cute and silly. I breathed him in everytime he was near me.
We moved in together after the first year and decided to share a joint bank account. He prosed to me on My birthday in May I cried all day. I was the happiest woman on earth. After he put that ring on my finger we started having issues in our relationship.
We were fighting about little things more and more. We were losing the communication. I thought maybe we were spending too much time with each other and at this stage in our relationship almost 2 years that we needed to have an outside life so I took up a hobby. I started playing poker. He got jealous and would tell me that I was spending too much time with poker and neglecting him.
I started playing less but he would still find an excuse to not like me going to play poker. I felt like I could do no right in his eyes now. It was stressful to keep him happy but to also keep myself happy at the same time. I let myself go and focused on him. At this point I started drinking more and gained some weight, stopped doing my makeup and hair. I had a breakdown and wound up in a mental hospital for a week.
He was there for me when I came out but blamed our problems on me since I wound up in the hospital it must be my fault. We were breaking up every other week after this.
The breakups never lasted more than a day because no matter what we were still bestfriends and he was the only family I had here in this state and I was his as well.
In December we almost ended it for good and I went to NJ to visit my family and he went to Florida to visit his family. During that time apart we realized what we had was worth fighting for and we decided to lay out all our problems and address each one with a solution.
We decided this was out last chance and we had to put all our effort into making this work. Since January until the end of March things were going good.
About 6 weeks ago he started going out with the guys from work for a couple beers at least this is what he told me, I found out that he was actually going out to clubs. After about a month I asked if I could meet his new friends. I suggested that us and their girlfriends go out for dinner. He said he had a lot on his mind but for me to not worry about it and to go back to bed. The next morning he got up earlier than I did. I knew something was wrong. I followed him downstairs where I told him I knew something was bothering him.
He swore up and down that there was no one else influencing his thoughts. I said do you want to break up with me. I said as long as we are ok I will stand beside you and support you with anything you need.
When I did see him I would ask over and over again did he leave me for someone else. I had a gut feeling he was lying and there was someone else but he was adamant on keeping me in his life that he continued to lie to me. He left his work phone at home 1 night and I saw he had a missed call from a girl. I looked her up on facebook. I saw that her and my ex were friends and he had liked all her pretty pictures. My heart fell out of my chest. He found someone better than me.
I wanted to know the truth so I had messaged her and explained who and why I was messaging her. I found out they have been seeing each other for a month now I just realized he was also cheating on me and feelings were now involved. It brought back a memory of his ex before me who messaged me 2 months into our relationship to warn me that he was a lying, cheating piece of crap. I should have listened. I told the new girl everything.
I told her this must be a pattern for him since apparantly he did this to the girl before me. I sent her messages as proof. I at least put the doubt in her mind for the rest of their relationship even if she chooses to stay.
I still live with my ex until I move out on May 1st. I wake up everyday hoping that this was all just a nightmare. I never thought he out of anyone I love would ever do this to me. Who did I fall in love with? Who is this guy? I feel so worthless, ugly and not good enough for him. Now I have to pick up the pieces and move on. I hate the fact that he is so happy while I am suffering the worst pain I think I ever felt in my life. Been married 21 yrs, married for wrong reason to begin with, he cheated MANY times!!!!
I thought it was best. LOTS of mental abuse through the years, rather volatile. Had Pulmonary Embolism and almost died, was told just out of ICU that he had also hired hookers yrs earlier???????
Kids are 19,12 and 10 now. Should I take the risk or stay with hubby now???? I too was brought up in a home with a father that cheated. With men no less. My mother was cold and selfish. Their marriage was a sham. I was taught by both that marriage was important and binding.
Yet I hoped and dreamed of a lasting loving relationship. My husband is an outstanding member of the community,a religious person above reproach.
I had an emotional affair with i married man. Because after many years of running after him ,doing everything for the family even taking abuse from his family I never asked him to sacrifice his relationship with his parents because it was none of my business he would often fly into abusive rages.
Never physically abusing me,but calling me the worst filth. I tolerated it,though I begged him to seek counselling with me. At a certain point you turn off. You try to justify the actions of the passive aggressive. Then one day someone very special appears.
The two families know one another. My husband and his wife hog the conversations,they know it all,are very self-righteous. Slowly we fall in love. They confide in me that their parents marriage is shot to hell for donkeys years. One even says they should be divorced. I fight with my husband.
This man and I begin an emotional affair. Status and what other think are important to you. Nothing wrong with that. Long story short,his wife found a text from me. Well all hell broke loose.
At least after 10 years of no attention and emption he finally got some. I told my husband I loved him. Though everyone knows the marriages are lousy, you have to have strength to face divorce. After years of sadness,you can lack the physical and mental strength. So we are biding our time. Funny they choose people who tried to adapt and are adapting yet. My heart goes out to everyone here.
I looked for something like this, advice, support, answers when I was going through a very emotional affair not too long ago. I was with my high school sweet heart for 15 years, half of my life, and married to him for 10 of the years. We got married young which in hind sight, was probably a factor in our growing apart. I met my emmotional affair partner 6 years ago while back-packing through Europe. We kept in touch sporadically but it did not turn into an affair until I saw him again 3 years ago when passing through Europe again.
All I could think about was the other person and how he made me feel, invincible really. It was a meeting and connection of the minds which can be a powerful thing, moreso than a physical one I think. I tried to concentrate on what it was that made me fall in love with my husband in the first place and my marriage vows etc.
But it was no use, everything seemed to pale in comparison to the affair partner, I even held more respect for him as a person since we shared the same view on life and morals etc. He sensed something was wrong and hacked my e-mail and found some of our emails to one another.
He confronted me and I confessed everything. He just wanted to put it behind us as a minor blip on the radar. If anything it made it worse. I felt dismissed in every way. It only made my emotional affiar stronger and my marriage became more and more of a mistake. But I ended the emotional affair, told my affair partner that he would not be hearing from me agian that was over a year ago and it was an excrutiatinly long and lonely year for me.
My affair partner was very understanding, he never contacted me unless I saught him out. But once I did, it seemed the universe was preparing me for it all. I contacted him and he was still waiting for me, always believed we would end up together some how.
I moved half way around the world to be with my him and to try to have a real relationship with him. It has been 4 months and I have never been more happy in my entire life. I am still technically married but separted and on a way to the inevitable divorce. I suppose there is nothing I can do about that. I have made my bed and must lay in it, but any words of wisdon or advice would be helpful from those who have empathy for what I am going through. So I urge everyone to have courage and live your truth, whatever that may be as everyones truth is different.
Thank You for sharing your stories and letting me share my own. Why would you want some one who clearly does not respect commitment? I mean seriously, why would you even entertain the idea of some one who is capable of showing complete and total disrespect of their spouse, kids, family and vows that were made before them and God.
My heart hurts for you, I can not imagine! I would never want some one who I know is capable of that. He is with the OW and they seem to be showing everyone on facebook how happy they are. They could care less who is hurt by their disgusting relationship. Flaunting it and rubbing it in my face.
I also believe he thought you were going to just cry forever over him. Make sure when you see him, you are gushing with newlywed happiness. I am so sorry you are also going through the same thing. I think you are probably right — I think my ex thinks by keeping her away from everyone, no one will find out what he had done. She must be o. Karma has already come back around. That was the time to support him. It will be interesting to see where they are 10 years from now. I wish you the best of luck, This is a pain I would truly not wish on my worst enemy.
Have faith, you will get through. Our stories are kinda similar. My ex is with his OW and and she left her second husband for my husband. What a wonderful story this is! You found true love and the cheaters are hiding under a rock. You also get to enjoy real honest and pure happiness that is blessed not tainted or dirty like the two cheats.
Because I thought we had a strong marriage, I immediately blamed myself, that I must have done something wrong. We both were complacent, really. You and I are the same age, I actually just turned After crying for 9 months, I finally snapped out of it one day. I started reconnecting with old h. Friends suggested I try some dating sites even my daughter. A mutual friend introduced me to my now husband 18 months ago.
I was reluctant to go out with him because he had a then 10 yr. My ex and I were apart for about 3. My ex is still with the OW, but she is still married to husband 2, and the two of them never go out in public together.
None of his family, nor our kids, have met her. My former father-in-law died a year ago and he came to the funeral alone. What a strange relationship they have. He has told our daughter he is happy for me. Let friends know you are available, and things have a way of falling into place. What goes around comes around. Your ex will get his due someday. Your life is living proof that there is hope for us all to find love again. Only divorced one year. Hope to be lucky like you!!!
Apparently, a mutual friend had different ideas. You just have to have faith. You are right, My ex had been my high school sweetheart and we were married over 25 yrs. I think he was having a mid-life crisis from hell. I so wanted the marriage to work but after getting mixed signals for a year and back and forth on if he wanted to reconcile or not, I moved on and have since remarried and am really happy now.
The last two comments are so true. They just try justifying why they are liars and cheaters and cowards. She is still married, too, and of course had her own sob story. They deserve each other. For a month we had an emotional affair long distance , we spent a few days together seriously discussing the decision to be made. When he returned to his home he asked for a divorce and moved out. The divorce is still in process and our relationship is still long distance, seeing each other a few days a month.
She has also tried everything to seperate us and isolate him from his family and friends. She has accused him of having multiple affairs and told numerous lies about us.
My boyfriend and I have met each others families and get along with them extremely well. After spending time with his parents it has come to light that his ex had no relationship with them and refused to spend time with them, to say the least they are grateful for the divorce. How could a union that thrives on trust and commitment work when it started with lies and major deceit? When the shiny glossiness wears off, and you have to start getting real with the real you, not the fantasy you with the perfect hair, makeup, never sick,m always happy and upbeat, never stressed out, can it be over looked.
The reason your marriage failed is because you picked the wrong person to marry. Instead lets jump into fantasy and dream up the perfect guy or gal, you think you have found the perfect person, but its all fake, not even close to being real. Affairs by nature have to be based on lies, and fluffed up pillow talk. I get your marriage is bad, and they have to pay for all the pain they caused you, the hurt and years of resentment that has built up.
Which is why affairs rarely work out. Everything was a lie, it was false. You called your affair partner often, had phone sex, sent sexy pics, racy email that rival any romance story ever told. You both are putting up this falseness and faking your true feelings about having an affair. Both of you are building the other person up in your mind, and comparing them to your spouse, secretly, when its quiet and dark. I mean I get it, coming up on 25 years together, the same person, add in kids, bills, house, bills, car, bills, job, or jobs, bills, hobbies, social obligations, holiday craziness, the distance grows right before your eyes, and yet you never noticed, it builds slowly one day at a time, and the transition is seamless and comfortable.
Before you know it, there is a stranger sitting across from you at the dinner table, driving with you in the car, and sharing your bed, and having a say so on raising you children. Of course cheating looks like a good plan. You never have to fully commit. You never have to fully quit the marriage either.
So you just go through the motions of day to day life, and invite another sad soul on this loveless boring journey with you, a partner in crime if you will. Someone who knows how horrible it is to be in your marriage, and the very inside very unspoken bond you two share is worth more than your bond with your spouse.
Get back is the name of the game once you decide to get in bed with another person. You need to release all the hurt and anger and pain to go in living another day, but, it does not make you feel better.
In fact times worse. Now you are a cheater. I have 2 beautiful children and my economic future looks bleak. I am so scared. How can I move on?
Do you think lovingkindness meditation will even help me? At the same time, however, I think you should talk to a counsellor or therapist to help you work through your fear, and you probably need legal advice as well.
All I can add about the fear is that fear comes and goes, and we remain usually standing. In fact rather than helping me, fear always added to my problems. All due respect to Captain Kirk, the last frontier, I believe is the brain. Neurons firing badly; receptors not receiving…these are the scientific, anatomical reasons they give for people who are depressed. Seratonin enhances the connecting of the neurons to the receptors and thus they believe it relieves depression.
In essence it seems to be about communication and the lack of it bringing on the depression. My question has always been — what is it that causes the serotonin levels to be lowered. And could communicating or more exactly, receiving the qi, or grace, or essence of the Universe, increase our levels? Now I am a meditator actually a Yan Xin Qigong practitioner for near 13 years now and it has been part of the process where I desisted relapsing into my substance addiction for 10 years and 4 months now.
Last frontier is the brain haha , fortunately or otherwise… I believe Buddhist Meditation has saved my life. I was desperate with problems of both depression and addiction, and of course the concept of higher power. I flooded myself with books, audiobooks, and guided meditation as soon as my journey began. It all made so much sense and I slowly stopped hating myself.
It has been 4 years now and I cannot go a day without meditating and if I do I feel as though I am missing that quiet time. If the day is not so stellar and thoughts are racing I begin with a guided meditation just to settle down and re-focus. It was a challenge in the beginning, but I have already begun to feel the long term effects. I also have the ability to control my temper and other untoward feelings. I do go to meetings as well, and the experience there is so much more rewarding than before now that I am more open.
Thank You For All the Comments! Hi, I live in Saigon, and am having a severe bout of depression, anxiety and insomnia. I cannot fall apart as I have to work every day as a teacher.
Unfortunately, my work is starting to be affected. I have tried meditation, but I am afraid right now it just makes things worse. The body and mind are made up of very intricate systems. Sometimes depression can be brought on through periods of prolonged strain both physical and mental.
Yes absolutely meditation can help balance the emotional state thereby bringing about altered chemical balances. I believe that through sheer willpower alone we cannot break some of the cycles. We carry heavy weights, become sleep deprived and worry, we also infiltrate our systems with toxins and poisons thereby causing our complex systems to work according to a different balance. Vitamins and minerals are important in our diet. How often do those extra late nights lessen our serotonin levels, depressing our emotions.
Mega B vitamins are great to boost energy and can be used during times of prolonged stress. It helps the nervous system. I have actually found pain relief through taking them.
Cortisone is a chemical that is released under duress. We need to physically get rid of this chemical exert. Are our bodies not working as they should? I had a stressful — but seated job which I had to leave to gain better health. Sometimes the cycles continue because we choose them to continue. Unfortunately our diets western are lacking in magnesium. It is used to improve heart disorders, avoid diabetes. I have found that it helps with my allergies — and I swear by it.
Meditation is very important. Nutrition and meditation I feel go hand in hand with optimum functions. Thank you for your reply. Your suggestions and replies are so thorough, how wonderful. I am dealing with a situtation that has brought me into a terrible place that I cannot seem to get out of. I feel angry and frustrated and confused as to why my higher self led me into this mess.
I am currently in Nepal, I flew over here to work as a volunteer at an Arts Collective, to teach classes in photography and such. I was living at the so called collective for 5 weeks. The entire time I felt depressed and disrespected. I left the place a few days ago, because my room was previously rented, but next weekend I was supposed to teach a class there.
I also told her everything I think of her. Which was nothing pleasant. But there is no collective, it is just her, and she has another intern. She is competitive, un-supportive, jealous and unkind. The last volunteer and I met, she said she felt exactly as I did and that the previous one before her did too.
Thankfully knowing this makes me realize I am not crazy. However, I have flown over here to Nepal and spent all this money to volunteer, to feel like I accomplished something and frankly I feel just used and exhausted and I just want out of here. Now I am trying to stop walking around grumpy and depressed.
I thought writing the letter would help. Strangely, I saw the girl out last night and she said hello, like nothing had occurred. If she did, she is much crazier than I previously thought. My head is just in a terrible place. Can you suggest a good downloadable guided meditation? I try to clear me head every night, but I have been here now 7 weeks and the entire time I have felt awful.
I am starting to get concerned about what this is doing to me and how I can once and for all come out of this funk. As they say, ill will is like swallowing rat poison and expecting the rat to die. Make the best use of your time and do what you really love. If I was to recommend one meditation, it would be on Being in the Moment. You made a decision. Embrace life and move on, rather than agonizing over the past.
This is just one of many times that I have found myself dwelling on things, which is why I wrote. I sometimes feel like I am moving beyond this issue, which I have carried around my entire life, but then something occurs and I am back in this anger.
I have always been an angry person, sort of a family inheritance. I am now looking into lovingkindness meditation now that I have read this post. I surely sympathize with everyone here. I used to have a lot of issues with depression and somehow I have managed to pull myself out of that recurring problem. I feel like if I can finally get this anger out of my system, then I will have truly come a long way. Great thing is that today, even though I woke up depressed, I forced myself to start a photo project and while I am photographing everything disappears, I feel completely happy.
Hence i choose to make this man fall in love with me. Later i found out that this guy has a wife and a kid and everythiing he told me was all lie. I entered depression and went on for 7months. Doctor gave me anti-depression but i stop taking it as i thought it might have side effects. This link on meditation for depression was helpful: Meditation and depression Wildmind Buddhist Meditation Beyond that, as to the questions of the existence of God, purpose in life, and an afterlife, as a […].
Do you know if depression can cause you to become sensitive to your surroundings? I started feeling strange after being so depressed, feeling unusual things around me and hearing creepy sounds, like ghosts… I feel that a part of me or something has been triggered to sense such supernatural things but just slight … I havent experience seeing one and I dont want to….
I can imagine that anxiety — which is often tangled up with depression — could cause you to be more sensitized to sounds around you. And one of the things that depression does is to assume bad things from limited information, so I can see how a creepy sound, picked up in an anxious state, could be interpreted as something supernatural.
She wants to use meditation to energy heal people in her acupuncture practice. She is up every morning at 5AM doing meditation. I think she does meditation several hours a day now.
Hi, i have been suffering from depression. Hi Varun, from what you write, it is good you have sought out a professional. You mention seeing a psychologist.
Perhaps you mean a psychiatrist…. You should follow-up with that person if you are feeling distress. You are more important than just email.
That person can see you individually, or refer you to an additional source of care and support. Donald is right in saying that you should follow up with your psychiatrist if you have worries about your medication. In theory, the development of lovingkindness would be beneficial too, but this can be a challenging meditation for people who are depressed and anxious.
Experiencing emotions and feelings are a very normal, human experience. When we get to the point where our bodies start to react physically, like insomnia or breaking down in tears we know we need to support ourselves somehow. Cortisol is responsible for our fight or flight responses — a natural stress hormone secreted by the adrenal gland.
Cortisol can affect how we sleep which in turn encourages more cortisol release it can affect our immunity, short term memory and the capacity to talk.
Some people try to deal with stress purely from an emotional or mind over matter focus. Granted it can work in some instances, tackling core sources of conflict internal and external , understanding our reactions to stressful situations and people, supporting ourselves and helping ourselves to improve our lives are important also.
If under stress our bodies use up reserves of vital nutrients — some vitamins and minerals cannot be stored unlike fat in our bodies and so our bodies may have increased requirements at certain times. A mega vitamin B complex can help to increase energy levels, support the nervous system in times of stress. There may be many other natural products which can be taken to help us deal with the effect of stress more efficiently to support our body perspective.
In reality, information can be empowering. Ways to decrease cortisol levels include massage my favourite , of course meditation my chosen line relates to spiritual connection to higher power , music vibrational therapy is one line of thought — soul music is what I like , dancing… etc. Try not to be so hard on yourself, always look to learn from our experiences and forgive yourself if you make mistakes.
Link to cortisol information follows: Link to my website follows. I am a massage therapist but also work with Spirit psychic — which is a label to describe an experience — not the only label by far. This could be described as meditation or self hypnosis which I use for guidance and healing purposes. Everyone has the ability to tap into source. Meditation can be a big help for depression. It helps me recognize the crazy thoughts that run through my head for what they are, just thoughts, and get back on track.
I want to look after my brain. I want to meditate. When I meditate my mind is peaceful and it works correctly. I want to feel like there is a reason […]. When we had our children I was focused on family almost completely, though I did teach part time and co authored a book esp as our younger daughter had serious health issues and an undiagnosed congenital syndrome.
She has serious mental health problems herself, and has self harmed and made several suicide attempts despite our constant attempts to help her to feel loved, cherished and valued the world seemed to act otherwise. Now she is doing much better, has a lovely and loving partner and is working at building her career in freelance journalism. Our elder daughter also lives with a long term partner and has just got her Ph D.
What upsets me is that I feel by now I ought to have sorted myself out. At a time in my life when I should be able to anjoy a more relaxed life with my recently retired husband, I am struggling with worsening depression and anxiety.
I feel so guilty that others have hard lives and yet cope better and feel happier than I do. I feel constantly inferior and inadequate. I am constantly struggling to provemyself to others and myself and fail almost all the time. I started learning Russian because it sounded impressive and I thought my father would be pleased, but I am finding it a struggle.
In the last week or so my depression has worsened. I know this sounds a very big ask, but is there any mileage in me re-starting mindfulness meditation? I would like to be able to function better and feel a part of the world rather than an inadequate alien. You might want to look into finding a Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy for Depression, program, although they tend only to work with people who are between episodes of depression.
I had a bipolar friend who I lived with at one time, and it was very interesting being with him in a car. There was no in-between. It was similar with speed. And so you stop trying. Similarly with your self-view. I have an uncle who used to lock his young daughters in a closet for days at a time, siting in their own shit, with no food or water.
His children were forced to watch him systematically breaking the ribs of their stepmother. You might want to pick a pet name for your inner critic and give that a go. Your arms and legs work? Try that for a while. Just do the practice.
Hello, I hope this message finds you well. I am writing to ask if the Vipassana 10 days retreat can harm me negative if I am not in the best moment in my life: I have always been a very sensible person and taken thing too seriously and personally.
Also, I tend to stress, but I have learnt to control it and calm myself and put things into perspective. In the last couple of months my job was terminated, it was a big adventure and risk, so I am disappointed, but that was an option.
And I am positive I have other options waiting for me. Also, one week ago my boyfriend seeing that I was too negative and down, decided to take some time appart and make his ideas clear… So I left… He practiced meditation Vipassana before in one of these 10 days retreats… So i am reading now that probably i was too negative to be around, I dont know… Anyway, I am ok, but a bit disappointed about losind my job and my boyfriend and some dreams in a couple of months… So I am joining a friend who is travelling in India, taking some holiday time to put things in perspective and relax before going back to life decision making and work and rutine life… And I was reading about Vipassana and sounds very interesting… But some people tell me it is hard and maybe after my life events I will not be able to handle it… I am a very strong person, hardworking and commited.
And though I feel sad for all that happened, I just want to understand, accept and move on.. I had been thinking for some time now that I wanted to find some way to organize my thoughts, calm down and think better… I am not religious, so Vipassana sounds like something that could work for me… I just want to find my inner peace and take things easier…. But I wonder, I really would like to try the Vipassana 10 day retreat, in India or Thailand I move freely around Asia for 8 years now but I fear maybe I will have too many expectations?
Or maybe the feeling sad for a breakup will affect me and will not be able to concentrate? I feel ok usually, sad sometimes, but I know life goes on and if we were not meant to be, we were not and if we were, we will…. But I really feel like the Vipassana can be a path I can use to learn to think better and be happier… I have never done meditation before though….
I use breathing to relax my self, but I have never done meditation and I would like to learn…. Any advice of opinion is appreciated: Thank you very much in advance and take care. Hi again — I posted a while back when I was feeling very low and your reply made me think a great deal about how I see myself.
You are quite right in what you said about on-off thinking especially. I am trying to get back into the meditation habit and I want to practise well. I have several guided meditations on my ipod.
I am now concerned that my efforts will be for nothing! I like to practise on long journeys sometimes especially as it calms my over-anxious mind. I want to learn and know what is me. Is it safe for me to meditate?
Mine fluctuate, but I do cope enough to get on with life as best I can, on the whole. I am sorry this rambles a bit and is rather long but I would appreciate some guidance on these points. I find the website really helpful — thank you: I have one thing to say: I would never recommend practicing mindfulness in isolation, unless you have a very good personal teacher who integrates the principles of lovingkindness practice into the mindfulness techniques they teach.
It changes the way your mind functions and helps yo rewire your brain. To learn new skills we do need new input, and guided meditations do that for us. Eventually you might do all, or almost all, of your sits with no guidance. How long that takes varies from person to person. I think you answered that question yourself! Dear Bodhipaksa I have done mindfulness-of-breathing-meditation on and off for the past two years and it has been very beneficial.
I have depression on and off, and have often changed my workplaces and even countries in the past years. Meditation has made me more positive and calm and less anxious a lot more focused.
In fact, meditation makes me so positive that I tend to overlook toxic people. I read what Jennifer said above about her relationship with her husband and I liked your answer about the story with the monk. I have always had seriously trouble with my family of origin, I broke up contact with my brother 7 years ago, and once did the same with my sister for two years. Things with her have improved over the years and I thought she really changed. In fact,she has not and her behaviour triggers a lot of the stuff I went through when I was growing up.
It is similar to what Jennifer said about her husband being emotionally unavailable, commanding, critical, cautioning. Two of my siblings have always been like that. The depression often is because people do not allow me to express anger. I have left several relationships, too, because of this. Sometimes I feel the further away I am from the people and the language I grew up with, the better for me. I have always had trouble making friends.
I once read in a book that meditation can help you listen to your inner voice and strengthen your intuition. So you learn what is good for you and what is not. The question of avoiding toxic people is an interesting one. But there is a cross-over between the inter-personal and mindfulness of our inner states. A lot of our intuitive sense of whether or not someone is potentially harmful for us comes from being mindful of our gut feelings.
Loving-kindness and compassion meditation can be helpful with the interpersonal stuff, and with helping you to stand up for yourself. Lovingkindness practice starts with us valuing ourselves, and valuing others over ourselves is one of the main ways people get into relationships where they become victimized. They can disapprove, but you can always override their disapproval, I would have thought.
I really love reading your page. Its this thought sometimes obsession that triggers a cascade of anxiety and intensifies the feelings that much more. I guess its more for me about letting go of the past and forgiving myself of past indiscretions. I appreciate you letting me ramble on, thank you for listening. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you very much. There have been clinical trials done with meditation which have shown it to be more effective than medication in preventing relapse into depression, but these studies have involved participants who were not experiencing depression at the time they learned to meditate.
Thank you for getting back to me so fast. Depersonalization is just an off-shoot of anxiety. Its one of the minds ways of protecting you from unpleasant feelings, however, one can start to find the feeling of detachment unpleasant as well. I have noticed in the last few weeks from meditating that I seem to be much more in the moment, so I believe it is helping. I guess I get a little overwhelmed at times with how many different types and styles of practices there are out there.
In my heart of hearts, I realize how foolish and unhealthy it is to worry about something from so long ago, but my worrying, analytical nature sometimes leads me there. Thank you, your insight is very helpful and calming. Oh, I think lovingkindness meditation is essential. I recommend that everyone does both some form of mindfulness of breathing as well as lovingkindness meditation. So you can call to mind your earlier self, be aware of his suffering, and wish him well.
I feel hopeless sometimes. I have tried meditation for one month, i felt better but i stopped it… believing some thought that i had about it…. I am just at a point where i dont want to feel like this, i dont wnat to worry…it hurts to look into the future as it seems impossible…cant really quit school… because i have loans to pay for…. Forget social drinking etc…. I am willing to live a simple life….
I have tried all i could that i thought could work, tried being present but its so hard to just observe every thought without getting caught up in it. Even attempting to find a meditation posture seems impossible for me…all i see in my mind is pain, struggle and failing…. Dont know if this is depression or lazyness…. So you end up not doing the things that you know will help you. I keep going back to this followyourbreathing meditation but it seems to be making my depression and anxiety worse!
What am I doing wrong, please? Can you say more? And feelings, after all, are rooted in the body…. It pains me to think of the cruelty people show each other. But I wanted to know a deeper Buddhism.
With meditations, Why am I adapt the Sakyamuni. And in my budsimo is talk little about it. I appreciate your generosity. Excuse me for bad English I am translating in goolge. I have what could be described as mild to moderate anxiety and depression. Especially public speaking is a problem for me, virtually impossible.
Got into meditation 2 years ago and started practising mindfulness of breathing. Did only that for more than a year, then found about vipassana and loving-kindness.
Do you have any thoughts on this? Three weeks ago I decided to spend all formal practise on doing loving-kindness and I must say that the results are quite positive so far. Loving kindness seem to be really powerful. So right now my meditation practise consists of 45 min formal practise loving kindness everyday AND being mindful all the time in everyday life noting thoughts and feelings etc. Lastly, how would you recommend working with desire? Apologies for the delayed reply, but at times I get very busy with teaching and with family stuff.
I generally suggest roughly alternating mindfulness of breathing as a samatha practice and lovingkindness meditation on a daily basis. And then once things are going smoothly, then from time to time replace one of the practices with some form of insight meditation.
I think your program sounds wonderful. As I suggested above, though, there is a complementarity between mindfulness of breathing and metta bhavana that makes the two practices together more powerful. My main recommendation for desire is, in meditation, to allow yourself to relax more, get more deeply into the sensations in the body, and enjoy them.
And count your blessings. Reflect on what a blessing it is to have all the things you take for granted, like shelter, electricity, clean air, a relatively law-abiding society to live in, etc.
I meditated for about 2 years, and only recently have I begun doing metta meditation. It has really improved my mood. My current practise consists of 45 min formal metta meditation every day and everyday mindfulness througout the day i.
Do you agree on this approach? And I think your approach to the metta practice is fine. Hi, Several times now over several years I have started to meditate with the object of relaxing and relieving stress. But after a week or two I find I am experiencing bouts of depression. If I stop meditating I no longer get the bouts of depression. When I tried Yoga the same thing happened and I had to give it up.
Am I doing something wrong? Or have I the equivalent of a mental allergy? I find the meditation itself useful and relaxing, no strain at all and a pleasant experience, and I would like to continue.
I practice a simple sort of meditation for about 15 minutes at a time, twice a day, just concentrating on my breathing with some visualisation or chanting.
But after about two weeks or so, the depression starts to kick in and I have to give up. As soon as I stop meditating the depression disappears. Any help you can offer would be much appreciated. I am 67 years old. The answer is probably more in the psychological realm than anywhere else. Are you aware of any particular thought patterns accompanying the depression? Are there any fears or expectations accompanying your meditation practice? It would be interesting to hear what happens when you try lovingkindness meditation.
No particular thought patterns. No abnormal fears or expectations. There is some chemical trigger, probably a build-up or a shortfall of some neuro-transmitter. While I have read some fascinating articles, including scholarly journals, about the way meditation can help alleviate […].
I can recommend the work of Amy Weintraub on Yoga for Depression. It includes yoga, meditations, and breathing in various combinations. She works from personal experience and a deep knowledge base. I found the pranayama exercises particularly helpful for myself. I use to feel so much joy, love and compassion. Then a couple of years ago my husband was being very mentally and verbally abusive and I got really stressed out. I ended up having a mental breakdown, psychosis and am now labeled bipolar.
Since the breakdown I can no longer feel any joy, happiness, love or compassion, not even for my children. I am having a hard time living like this and feel like I cannot contribute to my children or to the world if I can no longer feel any emotions. How do I practice loving kindness if I am unable to feel anything and is it still beneficial for others.
Can you give me any advice in how to live like this. Metta is an intention to benefit others — the feeling is secondary. The vagus nerve, which runs past the heart, is what produces the feelings that are associated with metta. This may be uncomfortable at times, because it can be painful to reconnect with repressed feelings, but stick with it.
Worse, only a few close friends know about my illness and that I have been on Social Security disability, and others frequently tell me how positive and put together I am since I am vague about my source of income and I look healthy. When the body scanning part began on Day Four, I felt intense and incredibly rapid currents of electricity zooming down and out of my arms.
It was scary for a few seconds and then I just went with it, enjoying it. I try not to crave a repeat episode, which is difficult since it was such a beautiful experience. Do you think that it somehow was a catalyst to this prolonged depression since before that I could manage the symptoms better? I find comfort in the memory of such a profound experience but I want to hear your thoughts.
Since the upcoming retreat will be so much longer, should I try not to work hard and instead use the time to relax and not concentrate too much? In doing so, I am lying and not practicing Noble Speech. If I had more energy and focus, I could benefit society more besides alleviating some of my own suffering. Is my justification reasonable in your opinion?
And I suppose making sure I have time to shop for healthy food is important as well. If that kind of food is on hand, I tend to eat it. I doubt that it was directly the catalyst for your depression. Well, any work you do should be done gently and with kindness. Just keep being friendly with yourself. And all of that is based on a misunderstanding of the practice, and of what metta is.
They probably would have let you go anyway. But you should definitely resist the craving for a more pleasant life. Craving causes pain and depression. Not sure whether my negative emotion anxiety, fear of loneliness are consider as depression but it sometime paralyze my life and I am at loss what to do. Self compassion meditation does help a while but the feeling and emotion state keep on coming back. Sometime I try to seek out friends and relationship as a escape from my anxiety and loneliness but in my heart I know that It will not work as I think I have difficulties opening my heart.
Hope you can give me some advise. Social isolation is very painful. And take actions that scare you — like walking up to someone in a social situation and introducing yourself, and asking them questions about themselves.
What you do have working for you is that you have friends. Friendship is largely a question of spending time with others and developing the trust and openness that comes from doing that. Perhaps also you can reflect more on what it is that you fear about being open. Most of us, I think, end up making connections more easily with people who share our interests. For me, that comes from being part of meditation and Buddhism groups.
It took me a long time to really connect with people, so you need to persist. And practices like lovingkindness meditation help us to feel more confident in ourselves, and to feel more able to express how we feel. So you might want to check around. As human, we try to look for love and partner but afraid that it does not work out as we are looking for sensual pleasure.
Fear and Hope paralyze me. I am not sure going into a relationship with a companion will help as I understand that is a temporary but staying alone sometime make me crazy. Meditation helps but once I leave the couch and start to interact socially during work, the painful emotion come back again.
Sorry for all my rumbling but I am really confuse and thanks for listening to me! Hi, It has been 15 years, since my boyfriend left me for another girl, he stopped taking my phone calls and replying to my emails we had a distance relationship , right after leaving me. He did not give me the reason of leaving me that he fell for another girl and dumping me. It broke me — my self esteem, my confidence fully.
After an year, a friend of his told me the reason, of him leaving me. After 2 years I met a great guy, he truly immensely loved me, and i loved him too, we got married and now we have a child together. We are very happy in our marriage. But that rejection 15 years before is still like a unhealed wound. I have been doing great in my Career, travelling internationally and having a great loving family, looks like a perfect life.
But when ever there comes a reference of a broken heart, dumped person, or a movie where such a thing happens with someone else, I get very sad, all emotions starts coming over, of being rejected and dumped, moreover dealing rejection that happened as a shock.
What i want at my end to get this wound healed completely, so that I do not think of that incident again in my life, also my urge to show off to him, that i am leaving a great life we are not in touch since then , its just i imagine showing off to him. I am very happy in my present, i want all these past memories to leave my mind and also i want to stop my selves to keep proving to him virtually. Sorry for the long delay in my replying. Sometimes my life gets very busy moving house, surgery, having my websites hacked the the comments here get neglected.
This cycle of hurt and humiliation reappearing over and over is quite common. But your ex is not you. Try telling yourself that.
First, i would like to offer my gratitude for this website and for the care that is so central to your practice. I have read most of this thread on depression, and have previously visited readings you have posted on adapting the practice of metta when experiencing self-loathing, among other things.
All of the information has been helpful — including the questions of those suffering and sharing their vulnerability in order to elicit helpful advice. I hope that the posters are able to receive this gratitude as well. I do see a therapist who has been helpful, but like some of the posters here, i feel like i have made very little progress over the years.
I am choosing to use this frustration to seek out more avenues of support, and not see this as an indication that i am failing to learn the lesson of self-reliance. This is one of my self perceived major failings: That said, i am currently feeling profoundly lonely. I would guess a good mentor would help me to address the unacknowledged need for validation of my inherent goodness from others within myself, but i at the same time question my motives in seeking additional support.
If you do not know of where i might seek guidance from an individual, could you please suggest a place to start in terms of guided meditations which balance mindfulness with metta? Thank you again for this wonderful forum.
Imsges: dating someone with depression involves
Yes- maybe I was not paying attention — clearly I trusted too much and I probably work too much. Archived from the original on 28 December
But I am not sitting at home feeling sorry for myself.
She works from personal experience and a deep knowledge base. To say one is worse, discounts the other. I have also been dating someone with depression involves from anxiety disorder. But we live in a society that in order to have a family we have to derpession monogamous. In the case of sleep, it is taken in the evening, perhaps before dinner.
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