Why "Put Yourself Out There" Is Bad Dating Advice | YourTango

Why "Put Yourself Out There" Is Bad Dating Advice

how do you put yourself out there for dating

Voicing your innermost thoughts, desires, fears, hopes, dreams and needs. Love February 2, We're not exuding an eau de desperation, because the only people who are really desperate for us to settle down are our friends.

Learn the step-by-steps and how to read women.

We're around the same age, and many of her friends are married and having kids. You may never get the chance to tell someone you love them or to let them know that you think they're amazing. Follow Stephenie Zamora on Twitter: These are tiny steps in the right direction of putting yourself out there more in a gentle way. Some of us are writers, others speak with great ease. However, that doesn't mean that you should avoid putting yourself out there at all costs. You'll always wonder what could have been if you'd have just said what you needed to say.

Nothing crazy is needed to have fun and let the sparks fly. Even better is knowing the steps from a wider perspective so you can feel more at ease and see the process at a glance. This makes SUCH an incredible difference!

Knowing the steps of dating and attraction and how to read women along the way is absolutely imperative to getting more comfortable with putting yourself out there with women. Check out what this Introverted Alpha reader has to say about what educating himself has done for him:. You just start feeling inspired to put yourself out there with women in a slow, steady, natural-feeling way. When you diligently and gently learn the basics and start feeling comfortable in how to put yourself out there and make friends, social anxiety can fade too.

Even those tiny jitters which felt alarmingly foreign and unwelcome before can start to feel like no big deal. If dating feels a little premature right now, you can simply focus on learning how to put yourself out there socially, which will help pave the way for putting yourself out there more in dating. There are two parts to this: Hard to swallow, but true.

Looking back on a lot of my experiences, I have found that I have had a lot a LOT more than I used to think of interest from women. If you want to live life on your own terms as well, you have GOT to develop the skills and wherewithal to do it. Putting yourself out there: The key is to approach it in the right way. Can you relate to this Introverted Alpha reader? Be kind to yourself, and focus on progress. My dad heard what I was saying but disagreed.

That feeling of shame. You may have lived by the same philosophy: Where does that start? You'll always wonder what could have been if you'd have just said what you needed to say. When we hold back our truth, we bury it deep down inside, where it begins to fester. That's not a pretty word, and it's not a pretty thing. The guilt, wonder and regret will literally eat you alive. It will make you stressed, and possibly sick or depressed. None of which are good things.

So speak your truth. There is no right way to communicate. Some of us are writers, others speak with great ease. I'm a huge fan of pushing yourself outside the normal comfort levels, but in this case, it's more important that you say what you need to say. So write a letter, email or text message. Pick up the phone and leave a voicemail if that's easier than face to face. Of course, if you can sit down and have a real conversation, please do it, but don't hold yourself back.

Most importantly, you have to remember that this is not about them. It's not about getting them to say what you want to hear, change or do anything else. You can't control anybody -- all you can do is speak your truth and hope for the best. For you to be healthy and happy, to have a chance at getting what you want, you have to put yourself out there without the slightest idea of what will happen.

If you don't tell someone what you're feeling or needing, they won't know. Again, you deserve to be heard, so speak up and do it for you. Now, it may not be from the person you're sharing with or in the situation that you need to speak up in, but it will move you one step closer to getting exactly what you want.

Because you're being honest, clear and setting boundaries. You're standing tall and shouting to the universe, "This is what I want and need. Where are you holding back your truth? What is it that you need and want to say, and to whom? Start by writing a letter to this person, just for yourself. Say everything that you need to say to them.

Then decide how you're going to approach them with this information so that you can feel heard and start moving towards what you want and deserve. Stephenie Zamora is the founder of www. Here she merges the worlds of personal development and branding to help young women build passion-based businesses. Connect with Stephenie on Facebook and Twitter! For more by Stephenie Zamora, click here. For more on wisdom, click here. Tap here to turn on desktop notifications to get the news sent straight to you.

Being vulnerable is scary That's just the way it is.

Imsges: how do you put yourself out there for dating

how do you put yourself out there for dating

What do I want instead, and how can I get there? That drains your energy to change. You deserve to be heard.

how do you put yourself out there for dating

We're around the same age, and many of her friends are married and having kids.

how do you put yourself out there for dating

Then decide how you're going to approach them with this information so that you can feel heard and start moving how do you put yourself out there for dating what you want and deserve. You can learn how to start putting yourself out there in the dating thfre in a thrre that feels genuinely fun and natural for you. So what do I want instead, and how can I get there? None of which are good things. Typically, however, this is not what dating a theater major friends mean when they say "put yourself out there. Where does that start? You'll always wonder what could have been if you'd have just said what you needed to say.